“Survival of the Dead” or “Zombie Black Beauty” – my fuckin review

I got to watch George A. Romero’s latest zombie film “Survival of the Dead”, This is George’s 6th dead (zombie) movie, his first was the original “Night of the Living Dead” in 1968. So lets see, his zombie movies are like some sort of odd sequels to “Night of the Living Dead” and this one starts 6 days after the zombie pop off. Yep, you guessed it the world is an apocalyptic zombie shit fest, and this film starts off on an island next to Delaware. There are two huge families (like 50 members a piece) that live there and they are all Irish. I had no idea Delaware was made of U2′s family. Anyway the 2 families hate each other, and one family wants to get rid of the zombies, and the other family wants to keep them. Yes, that is what I just said KEEP THEM!. WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!!! THIS IS IN THE FIRST FEW MINUTES OF THE MOVIE! I SAY FUCK YOU TO THAT NOISE. This dude wants to keep his kids chained to their fuckin bed as zombies. He doesn’t want to kill them even though they are all fucked and zombies. Let me tell you this right now if the zombie apocalypse drops you will be able to count on one thing for certain, if you even look at me cock eyed, I WILL BLOW YOUR GOD DAMN HEAD OFF!!!! You are a zombie and are trying to eat me, so fuck you bitch. I will feel nothing when I pull the trigger, I will only say this out loud “I am killing you because I love you”, I would expect you to do the same to me. Next a group of military dudes show up and one lesbian, whose character is introduced masturbating, not in private but in front of the other straight dudes, who are not even interested in it. WHAT THE FUCK. I guess lesbians like masturbating for straight dudes who don’t even care to watch. Just so you know THIS IS NOT TRUE, they would rather beat the shit out of straight dudes rather than masturbate in front of them ,and I don’t blame them either. OK now the military people have found a truck full of money and some hipster kid, and now want to keep the money to spend. Once again WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, money is longer worth shit, it is a zombie apocalypse, who the fuck is still accepting money in the world, it is about survival not bling. Someone even has an i-phone and a lab top and they still are connected to the internet after weeks of being in an apocalypse. When the wind blows in Atlanta the power, cable and internet go out, and you want to sit there and tell me you can still watch fuckin Youtube. KISS MY ASS GEORGE ROMERO, do some research bitch, without humans maintaining the power plants and shit you basically got one weeks worth of power, only Hoover Damn is designed to run power for a year without human upkeep. Meanwhile back on the island there is a zombie bitch riding around on black beauty the horse. Are you fucking kidding me, this trick is literally a zombie riding a horse around. Basically in the end the humans can’t get along and end up killing each other, but before that they want to teach zombies how to eat horses and pigs and shit, not humans anymore. SHUT THE FUCK UP, I aint teaching a zombie a god damn thing but how to accept a bullet in the head. This film makes no sense to me, the score sounds like it is a dopey comedy, the CGI zombie effects looks like it was done on Photoshop and the characters are shit. This film is a disgrace to horror, and I am ashamed for even watching it. Now let me say this, I now George Romero did the original “Night of the Living Dead” and I know without him there would probably be no zombie films today. I get it, but I am sorry to say his films are a mess and they have gotten worse. That’s right I said, his shit is weak. “Dawn of the Dead” feels like it’s 3 hours long and the zombies are just wearing blue makeup, “Day of the Dead” is boring and the characters suck, “Land of the Dead” message was so forced I almost puked, “Diary of the Dead” was a fucking joke, and “Survival of the Dead” makes me ashamed that I love horror movies. Everybody kisses his ass because of basically one movie, like he is Alfred Hitchcock. I am here to tell you HE IS NOT. The horror kids will hate me for this, but you people need to kiss the right asses in horror, not his. So yeah skip this film it is a joke, a big fucking joke.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. George A. Romero it’s over, it was over for you in 1968.

B. Delaware is not all Irish.

C. Money is not worth shit after the apocalypse.

D. Tom Savini I miss your make up efx. CGI doesn’t work for zombies.

E. There was a scene where someone was literally fishing for zombies in the ocean with a fishing pole.

F. A zombie riding a horse is the stupidest shit I have ever seen.

G. You can not teach zombies shit. They are infected and there is no cure, they have to die, I want to die if I am not me anymore.

H. Yes there is a scene where someone has gotten infected and reveals it later in the film, the person has to kill them and can’t do it. I will tell you this if you are with me during a zombie apocalypse we will do hourly body checks to see if each of us bitten and hiding it. This means you standing there nude and the rest of us making sure there are no bites on you with a gun pointed at your brain. That’s right kids do you want to live or get eaten.

I. If my mother gets bitten, yeah that sucks, I love her and do not want her to die, but now she is dead. So not only will I shoot her in the brain, I will chop her head off and hold it up so that the other people with me see I mean business. Then I will say “If you even stare at me too long the same will happen to you, BITCH!”.

J. This movie is shit, stupid shit.

L. If you want to watch a good zombie movie try “Return of the Living Dead” or the even the REMAKE (Yeah i said that shit, REMAKE) of “NIght of the Living Dead”-1990 version. Those jams give you characters you can like and root for.

M. Christ, I wish this movie was about a heavy metal band, or gymnasts, or a fuckin group of hipsters fighting zombies.

N. I give up this movie is a waste of time.

O. I am never represented in a zombie movie.

 

4 responses to ““Survival of the Dead” or “Zombie Black Beauty” – my fuckin review

  1. I can’t agree more. 1990 Night of The Living Dead is one of ny favorite horror movies to this day. The original might be good for a nap. Romero needs to try making a romantic comedy next time…

  2. diary of the dead and dawn of the dead, (both versions) were OK, but i definitly agree that every other movie he made was an absolute piece of shit, (except night of the living dead of course). he is apparently making 2 sequels to suvival of the dead, hope he learnt from his 29% rating and makes these worth watching

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