EDDIE RAY BREAKS THAT SHIT DOWN!

“Real Steel” or “The Robots Had No Souls, Oops I Mean Hugh Jackman Didn’t”- my fuckin review

eddieray66 — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 20:07:19 +0000

I watched “Real Steel” with Max Fisher the other night and here is the movie review. The film starts off with Hugh Jackman remote controlling a giant robot at a shitty little country fair. The giant robot is fighting a bull for the audience. What the fuck is already happening. THERE IS A GIANT ASS ROBOT THROWING A BULL AROUND! Anyway Hugh is broke as fuck and the robot gets trashed. So he goes back to his girlfriend/not girlfriend Kate from “Lost”. There he is rude and mean to her and then his long-lost son shows up, and Hugh hates him and treats him like shit. He only allows the kid to live with him because he gets money from the kids Uncle to keep him. Now he has money to buy a new robot and still hates the kid, but takes him to the real version of the game Rock’em Sock’em Robots. Hughes new robot sucks and they eventually end up in a junk yard where they find a bootleg bot to use. The kid loves the new shit bot and they dance together. In the end you figure it out, somebody wins, and father and son get along. Ok here is the thing it is supposed to be the future and the only thing futuristic in this movie are the robots. That’s it! NO future cars, clothes, building or anything. BULL SHIT! Also I am disappointed that the robots had NO personalities and didn’t talk, they are just big pretty remote controlled trash cans. Who gives a fuck if a trash can wins or loses. Not me! Fuck a trash can. Hugh is really shitty to that kid, which I guess seems real, but it made me laugh. The kid has a pig nose and somehow knows the answers to everything about life at 10 years old. SHUT THE FUCK UP! Well if you like the game Rock’em Sock’em Robots, Hugh Jackman, and a future that looks like 1995 then this movie is for your. I was bored with the forced emotion from the humans and no emotion from the robots.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Evangeline Lilly was better on “Lost“. She pretty much did this the whole movie.

B. They taught the robot to dance, but honestly I think I would’ve rather seen the robots do a fuckin dance off. That would be cooler. 20 seconds into this clip WATCH.

C. Here is Hugh hitting on his son and also a pic of his son’s pig nose.

D. Danny Elfman’s score sounded like boring triumphant trash. I was disappointed.

E. This song should have been played in the opening credits.

F. Here is Hugh yelling at a robot that doesn’t understand him because they couldn’t think or feel.

G. Don’t tell me it’s the future but everyone looks 1995.

H. They played Eminem too much. I felt like the robots were going to a fuckin rap battle. I guess Eminem is fuckin retro in the future.

I. I love robots but these bored me.

J. This poster is poot-nasty.

“Bad Manor” a new web series by TWINHEAD THEATRE

eddieray66 — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 16:03:20 +0000

BRAND NEW from Twinhead Theatre watch their new soap opera comedy web series “Bad Manor”. You can watch all 3 episodes with this link. At the end of the episode there is a link to watch the 2nd and 3rd ones. Yes it’s an all star cast even Marlinda Phillips shows up and Molly Kristyn makes the best bitchiest face of her career.

EDDIE RAY and MAX FISHER ARE MISSING! Footage Found!

eddieray66 — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 04:32:52 +0000

This is NOT Eddie Ray posting this. I have logged on to Eddie’s Blog. He and Max Fisher are missing! This footage was found on Eddie’s camera and may reveal what happened to them. If you know this place they are at please let his family or friends know. We are extremely worried about him and Max. Please help if you can!!!!!!!

Here is the the footage.

“The Woman in Black” or “The Bitch in Black”- my fuckin review

eddieray66 — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 21:10:04 +0000

I just watched “The Woman in Black” with mom, who screamed the whole time. OK so the film starts off with 3 little girls jumping out a window. Then Harry Potter shows up and he is older now and does not have any magic powers. He does however have a son and a dead wife. Harry leaves his son and travels by the Hogwarts Express to get to this small village to find some paperwork left behind by another dead chick in a big ass haunted mansion. The townsfolk are scared and sketchy and want his ass to leave, but Harry is an Attorney and has to close out this house for resale. He decides to stay in this big ass spook house over night. This is a period piece horror film, so that means no Telephones or cell phones bitch. His ass would have to write a fucking letter to get help from anyone and that would take weeks. Now he is in the haunted house and shit starts to pop off. Ghosts and noises all over the god damn place. He starts seeing the woman in black (A ghost chick in black evening wear) all over the place and she is scary. Later he finds out the women in black is after all the kids in the village, and she is also a mega BITCH! She is not misunderstood, she is just a fuckin bitch. Harry tries to solve the mystery of what happened to her and why she is killing kids before his own kid comes for a visit. Ok so I did like this film, and Daniel Radcliffe did a good job in it because he is not forcing it or overacting in the film. Daniel did a whole lot of walking around with candles and that shit got old though. The score was by one of my favorite composers but this one was not very memorable to me. I loved the setting and it really did feel like you were watching an old school (pre 70′s old school) horror movie, it was quiet and never over the top. If you are looking for non stop excitement and constant scares then this movie is NOT it. If you are looking for a straight up ghost story, that is quiet, dark and mysterious then this is the movie for you. So if you like Daniel Radcliffe, haunted mansions, ghost kids, ghost bitches in black, fog, graves, candles, and mysteries then this shit is for you. I enjoyed it, but I don’t feel the need to re-watch this movie again. It is one time show on a dark and windy night. Also safe for the kiddies take em.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Daniel Radcliffe was pretty good in this movie because he was quiet and not forced.

B. I don’t fuck with ghosts wearing black evening wear.

C. I hope when I die I haunt the shit out of a place.

D. The score was done by Marco Beltrami. I do love Marco and this score was just OK for me. Not his most memorable work for sure.

E. I would love to live or stay in a haunted mansion.

F. OH SHIT GHOST KIDS!

G. If you were hearing impaired and blind how would you know a place was haunted?

H. I wish they played AC/DC’s “Back in Black” in the end credits.

I. Don’t bring your kid to a village where kids are dying from a ghost bitch in black.

J. I wish Miss Piggy was the Bitch in Black.

K. I am too lazy to solve a mystery that involves digging up bodies. I would be like fuck this let’s burn their fuckin crib down. Haunt the ashes of your house bitch.

L. I just kept saying “What a bitch!”.

M. AHHHHHHH no eyes, or what I used to do to people in my yearbook in Middle School that I hated.

“THERE’S NO LOVE FOR VALENTINES DAY”- My short films

eddieray66 — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 17:41:43 +0000

Valentines Day is coming! See how me, Drake Captaincrakcerjacks Stephens, Kevin Vickery, Marlinda Phillips, James Yates, James Ford, Katie Orr and Alex Orr celebrate this weird ass holiday. This film has Yeti’s, Magic, Guns, Death, Candy, A Crazy Racist, Fingerbang Orangutang, Ice Cream and Love. I hope you enjoy “There’s No Love for Valentines Day“.

“Haywire” or “The Female James Bond Can Fight But She’s Boring As Hell”- my fuckin review

eddieray66 — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 16:49:27 +0000

I got see “Haywire” with Max Fisher and his mother Mrs. Fisher and here is the movie review. Ok the movie starts off with a female James Bond named Mallory (Gina Carano). She is dressed like The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and runs into Channing Tatum, who is another spy that is trying to bring her “in”. Mallory and Channing beat the fuck out of each other and she gets away by kidnapping some dude and his ride. Now we go back in time as she tells her spy story on how she got there. She tells the random dude that she kidnapped everything. I have no idea why, but I assume she needed someone to talk to so that we the audience know what happened. There is no reason to tell some random dude that you just kidnapped anything. OK now we are in the past and Mallory and Channing are still friends and spies out to same some other dude that was kidnapped. There is a lot of fighting, running around and guns. Then she goes back home to get her next case from Ewan McGregor. He sends her to England, I think, to help and English spy played by Michael Fassbender. Shit hits the fan and he punches her in the back of the head and then more fighting pops off. Mallory is betrayed by everyone! Which eventually lead her ass back to “real-time” in the car with dude she kidnapped. Later she calls Antonio Banderas who then calls Michael Douglas to talk shit about her. Mallory eventually goes and gets help from her dad Bill Paxton. In the end there is a showdown with a bunch of bitches and Mallory whips everyones ass. OK this movie looked cool and the fight scenes were cool, but that’s about it. Everyone in the movie seemed like they were just walking around Gina waiting to get hit in the face. It’s not that Gina is a bad actress, but she is a fighter, not an actress. Drama is hard to do for anyone and I think she just came across weird and forced in her scenes. Honestly you just kept waiting for the next fight scene and that was it. I say wait for DVD so you can fast forward to the fight scenes. Other than that skip this shit.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Gina Carano’s voice was dubbed over in the movie. So sometimes you felt you were watching a foreign film that was dubbed over. I guess she sounded like shit when they filmed it.

B. I guess stars line up to be in his movies.

D. I am not a fan of Steven Soderbergh. The only other films I liked he did are “Contagion” and “Out of Sight“.

E. Michael Fassbender really is a great and believable actor. He really does well in any part.

F. I wish this was the movie, and she looked liked this in it.

G. I did not like the score, it was like a mix between a 70′s exploitation film and a jazz festival. Keep it. See what I mean? Listen.

H. Channing Tatum was pretty good in this movie. Maybe we were too harsh on his ass.

He used to be a stripper.

And here he is on the cover of OUT Magazine.

I. What the fuck am I looking at?

J. This movie had too many stars running around in it and you really can’t remember their character names.

K. Here is the first 5 minutes of the movie, which was the best part of the movie.

L. The poster is cool I guess.

“Contagion” or “We Are All Going To Fuckin Die From Shaking Hands!”- my fuckin review

eddieray66 — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 21:30:13 +0000

I finally got to watch “Contagion” and here is the movie review. I wished I would have seen it in the theatre though. OK so the movie starts off with Gwyneth Paltrow and she is in Hong Kong or somewhere and is getting sick as fuck. She then takes her sick ass on a plane to get home to see her boo boo monkey Matt Damon back in the states. Before she does that she stops and has an affair with someone, I think. When Gwyneth get home she is more sick and falls the fuck over. Meanwhile she has spread this shit all over the globe by touching people on the plane, the airport, lovers, her family, the hospital. She has got mega herpes and it’s killing everyone all over the fucking planet. Thanks Gwyneth. Now Laurence Fishburne down in Hotlanta is running the CDC and talking about we are all fucked. Then Jude Law is running a blog trying to preach the truth about the virus. Thousands more die all over the fuckin globe. Kate Winslet tries to help but this shit is out of control. Nice try Kate. In the end the world goes to shit, there is chaos in the streets, dogs and cats are living together. Ok so I loved this feel good movie, it had everything I wanted. I love apocalyptic films, especially if they are honest. This film tried to show you what would happen if a new virus popped off in the world. Real life is fuckin scary, or as I like to call it heart warming. Although there are a shit load of Hollywood stars in this film, I never felt like anyone was a star in it. They kill people off left and right, no matter if they were pretty or not. The film really does as great job at showing you how you can infect people with your germs daily by touch. It makes you want to run away from humans cuz they all nasty! The score was pretty amazing too, and at times it felt like I was watching musical death montages. Loved that shit! You should watch this film and buy some gloves and mask after. I already own that shit prior to this film. Thanks! So if you love Gwyneth P., super herpes, multiple stories around the world, THE GWYNETH SHAKE, people looking sick as shit, and you never want to touch anyone every again then this movie is for you.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. This movie really makes you not want to touch anyone again.

B. I love the score to this fucking movie. It was composed by Cliff Martinez. Here is a track.

D. I am into virus’s. My film company is named Ebola Entertainment. You figure it out!

E. Gurrrrrrl you don’t look so good.

F. Steven Soderbergh directed this movie.

G. MATTTTTTTTTT! Don’t talk to me!

H. Another hot track.

I. I don’t eat pork. Fuck you. That shit is deadly.

J. I wish I could wear gloves and a mask all day.

K. I don’t want super herpes. I wonder if they were trying to say Gwyneth was a ho in this movie and caused the world to end by sleeping with that dude.

L. Here is a video I made from my favorite scene from the movie. It’s a music video called THE GWYNETH SHAKE. Enjoy. Haha

M. Turns out the Government is not bad in this movie. I liked that. I mean shit they tried.

N. I want this fuckin poster so bad now!

“Chronicle” or “Please Let This Shit To Happen To Me”- my fuckin review

eddieray66 — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 03:26:09 +0000

I was able to see “Chronicle” early, a movie that I have been excited about seeing for a while now and here is my review. OK the film starts with this teenage dude named Andrew (Dane DeHaan) and his new video camera (that’s right, it’s filmed all hand-held documentary style, don’t worry they keep they camera steady). Andrew wants to document his life at school and at home which sucks ass. He is beat on, picked on and bullied. He has one friend in the world, who is his cousin named Matt (Alex Russell). Matt is like the cooler guy in school and has friends and shit. Later Matt convinces Andrew to go to some kind of warehouse barn party out in the middle of nowhere, and they eventually run into class President Steve (Michael B. Jordan). Steve and Matt have found some weird ass hole in the ground way out in the woods that they want to explore and force Andrew to go so that he can film it. I won’t tell you what’s in the hole, you gotta stick it in to find out or go watch the movie. Haha Anyway the hole gives all three of them telekinetic powers (Ya know, they can move shit with their minds). They all three become better friends because of their new-found abilities, and learn how to use their powers better. Shit gets crazy when Andrew hurts someone by using his powers and the downward spiral (just like the Nine Inch Nails album) begins. I don’t want to give too much away, but in the end the shit hits the fan and cars and shit are flying everywhere in the city. It’s a cool ass fight scene that reminded me of a scene from “Superman II“. Ok I really dug this movie a lot. I was worried it was going to be generic and emotionless but it was neither. The film had a lot more emotion than I thought it was going to have, and I was really happy about that. What drives the characters really made sense to me and why they were doing the things they chose to do. I feel like if teenage boys got superpowers this how the shit would pop off. That shit was sad and real to mean and all the actors did a great job making me believe what I was seeing was really happening. So if you love super powers, cool ass super hero type action scenes, 3 dudes tossing shit off… roofs, throwing people through buildings and flying then this movie is for you. I thought it was pretty fuckin entertaining. I want to see it again in the theatre and I will buy it when it comes out Blu Ray. Anyway go check it out.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Don’t let me have these powers or I will be like Andrew in 2 seconds and you will see my ass flying around and leveling buildings and shit you bitch.

B. Ba- Bling Ba-Bling.

C. I really feel like this film is what a lot of people wish for to happen to them as a kid. OK I still wish.

D. Andrew’s character made a lot of sense to me, and you really side with him a lot. If you beat on your kids and they get super powers they will probably throw you against a wall. You BITCH!

E. OH SHIT!!!!! What’s in that cave?

F. My Hero.

G. They came up with some cool ways to film themselves in this movie. I wont give it away.

H. I am glad Andrew and Matt were cousins and not forced friends.

I. I am scared of heights. Even if I could fly it would be close to the ground haha.

J. I never got bored in this entire film and it really just kept moving along the whole time.

K. Max Landis wrote the screenplay to this movie. Yes, this is John Landis‘s kid. But he is all good just like his mother fucking daddy.

L. The character Matt’s favorite song is Jessie J. “Price Tag”. Haha

M. This was Director Josh Trank‘s first feature length movie. Go Josh!

N. They played David Bowie in one scene and I was happy about that shit too. ZIGGY STARDUST bitch!!!!!

O. I love this weird ass poster. When I saw it I said ,”True”.

“Straw Dogs” (2011) or “Shit Dogs” -my fuckin review

eddieray66 — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 22:00:08 +0000

I watched just watched “Straw Dogs” (the 2011 version, this is a remake) with Matt G. and Tristan T. and here is my movie review. The film starts off with this rich married couple (James Marsden and Kate Bosworth) coming from L.A. to Mississippi to live. They are rude and snippy but in love. When they get to Mississippi everyone that lives there is a fuckin asshole, redneck, mental retarded, or a drunk. I am not kidding this movie made Mississippi look it was the worst place to live on the fuckin planet. Maybe it is, hell I have never been there. If I was from Mississippi I would be pissed. Anyway Kate runs into her redneck ex-boyfriend who is Alexander Skarsgård, who is Swedish in real life and looks it, yet somehow we are supposed to believe he is redneck from Mississippi. Ok so everyone hates James and Kate because they are rich and rude, and James decides to hire Alexander and some other rednecks to fix his roof, and James is smart ass to them. Later James and Kate get into a fight so she goes upstairs and gets naked in a window so Alexander and his redneck friends can see her naked. What the fuck! This movie is pissing me off. Then later the rednecks lure James off so that Alexander can go rape Kate, even though at the end of the rape she starts making out with Alexander, until his friend comes and rapes her too. It was weird and I was like “UMMMMMMMMMMMM. Then she doesn’t tell her husband James, instead she is like let’s go to a football game. WHAT THE FUCK! At the game the mentally retarded guy kills some 15-year-old girl he is in love with in some weird as sub plot, and then James and Kate end up taking him home to protect him because he is hurt. Then Alexander and the rednecks come to their house for some lame ass show down. This movie is god damn mess. I just kept saying “Whattttttttt?” All the characters from Mississippi looked like assholes and made me never want to go that state ever. James and Kate’s character were just two stupid ass white people doing stupid ass white shit. Everything about this movie was forgettable including the score. It was generic trash. Kate Bosworth looked like she was wearing a fucking straw dog wig. Alexander Skarsgard looked like fuckin Frankenstein next to James Marsden. Everyone came across like a dumb ass. So if you are into incoherent redneck plots about Mississippi then this movie is for you. This movie is shit.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. The trailer makes it look like the movie “The Strangers“, it is not. Although that movie is about dumb ass white bitches too.

B. Don’t be rude to people in small redneck towns or they will rape or kill you.

C. Just because you are white it doesn’t mean that you are safe from all things in the world.

D. Alexander doesn’t make a believable rapist. Let’s be real. Frankenstein yes, but with makeup.

E. The Director was Rod Lurie. Blah.

F. “OH MY GOD WE ARE WHITE AND DUMB!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO??????????”

G. Kate your hair looked like shit. Dried out shit.

H. The mentally retarded guy was miscast by Dominic Purcell. This made no sense to me either.

I. The score was composed by Larry Groupé, and there is literally nothing he has done that is worth a shit.

J. Town drunk James Woods.

K. This movie really is a waste of time.

L. I thought James character was blind until he took these glasses off.

M. Haha everyone has a breaking point. haha In this movie it took them bringing home a mentally retarded 40-year-old with a broken arm to reach their breaking point. It didn’t matter that his wife was raped.

“Heartbeats (Les Amours Imaginaires)” or “Threeway of Love”- my fuckin review

eddieray66 — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 20:58:14 +0000

I watched the movie “Heartbeats” per Kevin Vickery’s advice and here is the movie review. This movie was filmed in Montreal, Quebec, Canada and is in French with English Subtitles. Don’t let this stop you, get some culture in your life bitch! Ok so the film is about two best friends named Francis (Xavier Dolan) and Marie (Monia Chokri) who are who very hip and smoke cigarettes a lot. One day they meet this guy named Nicolas (Niels Schneider) and they both think he is the cats meow. Marie wants him and Francis is gay and he wants him too. They don’t really know if Nicolas is gay, straight or Bi but his ass sure is friendly with the both of them. So begins a subtle fight for affection for Nicolas between the two friends which leads to anger and fighting. This really is a realistic portrayal of a 2010 love triangle. It never came across forced or too comical to me. Neither of the characters ever really do anything that mean or cruel to each other, they still maintain their friendship even though there is still jealously between them. This seems real to me and never over the top. The soundtrack may be viewed as to hip for its own good, but I really enjoyed it and even downloaded it. I think it fit the characters, their ages, and their scene (French Hipsters). Get passed it you all have a fuckin scene bitch! Anyway I really thought this film was an interesting, fun, and an honest movie about a real love triangle in the vein of “The Dreamers“. So of you like hot, but yet cool ass French people smoking non stop to a tight ass soundtrack and trying to find and understand love then this movie is for you. Give it a chance you will probably dig that shit as much as me. It’s on Netflix.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. I wish I could speak French, but not in the bootleg American kind of way.

B. This looks peaceful bitch!

C. Three is never a crowd.

D. At one point they got to a party and they are playing House of Pain’s “Jump Around. I love this entrance.

E. Monia Chokri looks like a French bitch here.

F. I wish they would make a sequel where they went around killing people.

G. Here is Nicolas the guy they both fall in love with. Those are marshmallows falling around him. I would be eating those bitches.

H. Sometimes liking people is a real fucking let down!

I. Xavier Dolan is also the Director of the film. He did a good job as both actor and Director.

J. Three is a good number of people to hang out with. It makes sense to me.

K. French people really do smoke a lot, they were smoking all through this fucking movie. I don’t even smoke but I wanted a fucking cigarette after this was over.

L. I can’t wait to see his other films. This version of “Bang Bang” by Dalida is amazing.

M. This is one of the posters for the movie, this one is the coolest because it’s all red.