Tonight is Friday the 13th and I got to see “The Cabin in the Woods” and here is the movie fuckin review. I will do my best to dance around shit, because I WILL NOT GIVE ANYTHING AWAY ABOUT THIS FILM! Ok here is the basic premise. A jock, a whore, a nerd, a virgin and a pothead go stay at cabin for the weekend. Sound familiar? It is supposed to, in this story they will explain why all horror movies exist. Confused? See the movie. These kids are in for the ride of a lifetime, a ride that just doesn’t involve them, but everything on the planet! This movie literally has it all. Zombies, sex, government, scares, sexy witches, guts, and even unicorns. OK that’s all I will say about the movie. No more secrets. I LOVED THIS MOVIE! It has everything I needed in a movie and more. I laughed and I was excited every minute in this fucking movie. Just when you think the shit was going to go in a typical Hollywood direction it didn’t. It went somewhere else, the place that you want movies to go. They literally press a button in the film, that in my mind said, “Fuck you” on it. My mouth was hanging open. Then the shit hit the fan. I was dizzy from that point on until the end of the film. Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, Dollhouse, The Avengers) co-wrote the movie. Yes, I am a Whedon fan and here is why. I love his smart ass witty dialogue, team assembly scenes and casting, but more importantly, it’s his left turns. While every other TV show or movie is making a right turn, he says fuck it and goes left. That always amazes me. GO LEFT! We have seen right turns a million times. FUCK GOING LEFT! Anyway the Director Drew Goddard (wrote the movie Cloverfield, and for TV shows Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Alias, Lost) did and amazing job and I can’t wait to see more films from him. This movie made me not only excited about horror movies again but about film in general. Thanks Joss Whedon, you give me what I want to see every time. So if you love horror, every monster, government, witty characters, cabins, redneck zombies, a fresh approach to horror movies, and unicorns then this is the movie for you. It was an awesome ride and I have seen it twice already. “The Cabin in the Woods” made you feel good about horror movies from the past, even the bad ones.
The Trailer:
The Facts:
A. There are few odes to “The Evil Dead” in this movie. I loved that. The cabin looks like it and there is even a creepy cellar.
B. This movie made horror fun again.
C. Know as little about this movie before you go see this movie.
D. Chris Hemsworth a.k.a Thor is in this movie.
E. Tom Lenk from Buffy and Amy Acker from “Angel” and “Dollhouse” were in this movie also.
F. Fran Kranz is in this movie. He is my hero and was in the TV show “Dollhouse”.
G. If a creepy old man tells you to stay away from a cabin, then TURN AROUND AND GO THE FUCK HOME.
H. The composer was David Julyan. He did one of my favorite horror movies “The Descent“.
I. A bookcase will never stop a monster bitch!
J. Please make a sequel with BUFFY in it.
K. I pray there is an uncut and extended version on blu ray one day.
L. Everything in this fucking movie made sense to me.
M. Seriously if you don’t see this movie you are truly missing out on a lot of fun. It was made for horror fans.
N. There is a scene in the film where they are playing REO Speedwagon’s “Roll with the changes” while someone is getting attacked on TV screen in the background and people a partying in front of it. Both times I have seen the film I got emotional here. The character’s struggle seemed so irrelevant. I think they are trying to that no matter how hard you fight something or fight a force of nature nobody really notices your struggle but you. Here is the song.
O. The ending mad me feel so good, and not for the reasons you may think, but I think “real” humanity is knowing when to stand up and say “Fuck you”. No Matter what happens. When shit is wrong it’s wrong. You will see what I am saying when you see it.
P. Scientists too!
Q. This poster is true.
