“Shutter Island” aka “Shitter Island”- my fuckin review

OK I just saw “Shutter Island” and I tried to like it. I was like “oh cool a haunted island full of crazies, the possibilities are endless”, then it turns that shit isn’t true, the possibilities were endless. So here’s the deal, Leonardo DiCaprio shows up on a boat with a fake CGI background that looks fake, and is looking for an escaped crazy trick. Then the plot doesn’t thicken. He then has flash backs of that chick from Dawson’s Creek, and we as the audience keep saying  “OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP WE GET IT, Dawson’s Creek was a fucked up show”. The trailers on the TV for the film keep saying “A twist so shocking you will shit your pants”. TWIST MY ASS!!! The first 5 minutes I was like please don’t let it be this………. (yeah ain’t giving this lame shit away)  Anyway Leo runs around looking pissed and chunky the whole movie til he runs into the guy who is played the new Freddy Krueger, that is when I just gave up on the film. I was like I hope everyone dies. I hope the whole island blows up and everyone fucking dies. Then Leo runs into the killer in “The Silence of the Lambs“, ya know “it puts the lotion on it’s ass, or else it get my hose again”. All I can say is yeah I get it, it’s supposed to be like an old Alfred Hitchcock movie, with over dramatic out of date score, and weird  cheesy backgrounds. WELLLLLL BITCH YOU AINT NO ALFRED HITCHCOCK!!!!!! You are Martin Scorsese. Oh wait that don’t mean shit. You did the remake of “Cape Fearr” and I still hate you for that piece of ass. Your best movie was “CARRIE” and that is only good because you didn’t have anything to do with it. (yeah I  was being an asshole, Carrie has nothing to do with Martin Scorsese). So if you like the same old shit, and chunky Leo then go see this turd.

The Trailer:

THE FACTS:

A. Fuck your twist.

B. Cut your shitty score off.

C. oooooooo flash backs that don’t ever end.

D. Fuck you Martin Scorsese, go blow Robert De Niro, that is what you really want to do.

E. I think this movie made me fucking crazy.

F. If you want a real twist go watch an episode of SCOOBY -FUCKIN- DOO. Jenkies this is a real mystery.

G. Don’t expect me to get emotional over some dead 10 year olds I don’t know.

H. If you put the killer from “Silence of the Lambs” in your movie, his dick better be smooshed between his legs and dancing to “Goodbye Horses”

I. Fuck you Martin Scorsese.. I aint afraid to say it, You aint in the mob, and your movies are like sequels to the one before it.

J. Just because critics say I am supposed to like a Martin Scorsese film dont mean I will or ever have.

10 thoughts on ““Shutter Island” aka “Shitter Island”- my fuckin review

  1. So what was the stupid twist? I’m not going to spend my $$ on this crap. DiCaprio can’t hold an accent through a movie, so I’m avoid his ass like the plague.

  2. Favorite quote from this one…and maybe ever:

    “If you put the killer from Silence of the Lambs in your movie, his dick better be smooshed between his legs and dancing to “Goodbye Horses”

  3. Fuck DiCraprio. He was good on “Growing Pains” and “Gilbert Grape” now he’s Mr EGO and shitty facial hair and can’t act worth a shit cuz he’s TRYING too hard. Lucky rich bastard bangs supermodels though. HIGH-FIVE!

  4. Yup, Eddie, you nailed it. I saw this movie and sat there going… “I bet it’s gonna be….” and it was. Completely. The twist would have been to make it what started out to be. lol And Leo really has gotten crappy with his acting.

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