Horror remakes and remakes in general. My fuckin Thoughts

Oh no they are remaking another film.. HAHA So what, who cares make that shit. Now I know most of you are programmed about shit in society, meaning if the group hates it you will too, but hear me out first. Yes I said whole sentence in a smarmy tone.

Ok so every time a new horror movie remake is about to come out people start asking me if I hate it. They only ask because I love/live for horror, but here’s the thing I don’t hate the remake. Some remakes have been pretty cool like “The Thing”, “Dawn of the Dead”, “Friday the 13th”, “The Ring” and “The Fly” etc. What’s funny is how everyone bitches about remakes like someone just shit on they mommas grave. They say “Hollywood, how can you do this to me?” and “Those mother fuckers are doing another remake of a classic”. The new Freddy Krueger jam is coming out next week, and some people say word, and some people say fuck them for making it. All I know is, is that this past week I got a new Freddy Krueger bank (old Freddy design) and the original Nightmare on Elm St on Blu Ray. Every time a remake drops, they re-release the old films on Blu Ray, come out with toys, and even release the score to the old films. So yeah remake all that shit so I can new horror toys to old horror movies. Here’s the thing, up until the release of the movie “Scream” Hollywood treated horror films one step above porn films. So I am happy Hollywood is appreciating Horror for it what is, amazing. Even at this years Academy Awards they had a tribute to horror films, this is actually a big deal, back when “Silence of the Lambs” won best film, they called it “Suspense Thriller”, even though the director said “Umm yeah it’s a Horror film”. Basically Hollywood shit on horror films. I think secretly horror fans wanted horror movies kept in the indie closet. Now that Hollywood has realized there is money to be made and have embraced horror, horror fans don’t dig it.  I met John Carpenter once and someone told him that because “Halloween” was independent it was better, that Hollywood didn’t come in and shit on it. He said what the fuck are you talking about, I didn’t pay for Halloween by myself, and John then asked the dude “Would you rather paint on a piece of notebook paper or a big ass canvas?” and J.C. then said “I want to paint on a big ass canvas”. I said to myself “TRUE”.  My point is they film remakes because Hollywood is a business, and remakes make money. I am glad Hollywood has finally embraced horror, even if you get a remake here and there. “No Eddie I hate remakes they iz lame” if they are so lame why is your ass in the theatre watching them. Yep, If you hate remakes, then hate yourself. Hollywood aint the sell out, they were already sold out, YOU ARE. You bought the ticket bitch. They are making them because you are going to see them. OH NOOOOOO…. But listen that’s ok, it turns the old film will still exist. You don’t have to take all your original copies of “Halloween, “Texas”, “Friday the 13th”, and “Nightmare” to get in the theatre to see the remake. I mean listen the original Halloween is one of my favorite films ever made. I mean It never gets old to me its amazing. When Rob Zombie made the remake I saw that shit twice in the theatre, I mean fuck it’s no original “Halloween”, but fuck it’s Michael Myers running around stabbing people. “Oh noooo Eddie Ray why even make it?” My question is what did you want to see made in its place? Nothing! Shrek 4! I would rather see Michael Myers running around any day, or even new rip off Freddy (who looks like Kermit the frog).

Let’s see if I am wrong or right? I am wrong like once a month.

OK this Friday April 30th the New Nightmare on Elm Street drops, it is a remake with a new guy playing Freddy. The last time we saw “original” Freddy was in an “original” film was “Freddy Vs Jason” (which was a fucking mess, but Fred and Jason were cool in it) back in 2003 and it made $36,428,066 (USA) in its opening weekend. Now I know Jason V. pulled some of that cash in but whatever. Let’s see what the remake of Freddy does after opening weekend. In case you are wondering the remake of “Friday the 13th” made $43,585,449 (USA) it’s opening weekend in 2009. I also find it fun to go with people who haven’t seen the original to whatever, and if the film sucks, then go home and show them the original and relive why you loved it with those people. It’s like film appreciation day.

The Facts:

A. Let me let you in on a little secret…. THEY ARE NOT GOING STOP MAKING REMAKES BITCH! Get used to it, If I have to hear one more person say something like “OH MY FUCKING GOD, they are raping another classic, they remade The Karate Kid.”  Fuck you and the Karate Kid, I own the original. That shit aint a classic.

B. Fuck you I was in the remake of Halloween 2, I also remade Halloween http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8Tp2qkyE_s when I was little I guess I am an asshole too.

C. I wonder if people said the same shit back when the remake of “The Thing” came out.

D. I get it your childhood was raped or whatever. Get past it or get therapy.

E. Be glad they didn’t make this version of Nightmare on Elm Street http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uKuvN6y8Vg

F. I wonder if kids will get pissed off when they remake “Harry Potter” one day.

G. I don’t give a fuck if Pinhead is on film telling jokes for 2 hours, he is my friend and I love him. Haha

H. Does anyone really know how many Dracula movies there are? They keep remaking that bitch, and everyone is happy as shit.

I. Sometimes characters go beyond their films or stories. (Sherlock Holmes, James Bond, Rambo, Freddy, Jason V., Dracula, The Mummy) They become more than their films. They exist in dialogue and description. How many times have you heard the word “Rambo” and “Freddy” and knew what they were talking about. Like your friend buys a gun and you say “Bitch you ain’t no Rambo” or a friend has got sharp finger nails and u say “Cut your fucking nails Freddy”. BEYOND FILMMMMMM.

J. I love horror, even the bad shit sometimes, Sometimes the big horror shit is made so they can take the money they make back and make the small horror shit.

K. I just watched the remake of “Sorority Row”, the old one sucked and the new sucked. Hahah

L. Don’t hate because a character is so fucking amazing they can’t stop telling stories about him/her.

7 thoughts on “Horror remakes and remakes in general. My fuckin Thoughts

  1. Some remakes are really good, and some arent. Personally, I cant bitch about things being a remake, because up until recently, I probably never saw the original. So on that note, it basically is just another movie to me. Halloween 2 — it just wasnt a good movie. Fuck it being a remake, it just fell short. Eddie was the best thing in it 😉

    With that said, I could care less if they made a remake of Beaches, as long as its good.

    Thats all im saying is basically, i dont care if your making a new movie, or a remake, i dont give a fuck if its your original idea or a total rip off, just make it good.

    Especially w/ rising ticket prices, i want to leave feeling satisfied. Not necessarily handjob satisfied (that usually costs more then a movie ticket), but at least with some sense that Hollywood put together something I would watch again.

    BTW- They need to remake Harry Potter/Twilight/Lord Of the rings and all those movies because they suck.

  2. I’m not saying I hate remakes, but I definitely couldn’t get into this one. The voice, for one… I mean, couldn’t they come up with something at least a little better than that? The make-up was respectable, however not as scary. I was even tipsy when I saw it and I still thought it sucked. I like any movie when I’m tipsy. I say stick to the original and they wanna come up with something better in the future, I welcome it with an open mind.

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