“The Descent 2” aka “Turn The Lights Off, We Supposed To Be In A Cave”- my fuckin review

Finally got to watch “The Descent 2” this weekend. Let me start off by saying that “The Descent” (the first one) is an amazing horror film, and I put it on my “Top 20 Horror Films of all Time” list. So yeah I loved the first one, and if you have not seen it, then rent it and watch it with the lights off. Ok so on to “The Descent part 2”.  The film starts off 2 days after the first film ended, well kind of. Sarah (the main character from part 1) is still alive and in a hospital. I thought she died but ok whatever. So Sarah is in the hospital and can’t remember anything that happened, and the police are still looking for all the other chicks from the first film in those caves. Next they make Sarah go back down with a team of climbers or what ever the fuck they are called, to go find her friends. I am ok with this premise, because if she remembered then she would have never gone back down. Now they all go down into the caves and Sarah slowly starts to remember that she and her friends were attacked by cave creatures in part 1, but now that shit is too late, cuz some rocks fell behind them and they are trapped. Then a surprise guest shows up looking like that trick from the “Grudge” movies. The original film was directed by Neil Marshall, the second one was not, which always makes a difference. They did use the same composer which helped make the film feel like a continuation of the first one. This one had some scary moments and it was fun to see Sarah again; I didn’t really care about anyone else in the film though. One of the cave creatures did take a shit on one of the girls and that was cool. This film was lit to well, the first one was literally lit, for the most part, by the actor’s flashlights and headlamps, which made you feel more anxious and scared. I felt trapped watching it and felt panic attacky. The second one was lit by Wal-Mart for fucks sakes. I kept saying “where the fuck is all that light coming from, they in a cave, not Wal-Mart”. So I was never scared or nervous watching this one. It is entertaining and a fun watch, I will not buy this film though and I don’t ever need to see it again. So if you miss Sarah from part 1 and want to see her clobber cave creatures than rent this shit, it’s a one time ride.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. If I get attacked by cave creatures, I will never forget.

B. When Sarah did remember about the cave creatures nobody believed her. Once again someone is dismissed as crazy in a horror film. If you came to my apartment tomorrow and said “Eddie there are fucking cave creatures outside” and you were serious. I would grab a sword and get ready to rock. I would not dismiss you as a dumb ass. Well unless I knew you to be a dumb ass before this.

C. WHO THE FUCK GOES CAVE DIVING. YOU ARE FUCKING INSANE. I pissed myself just thinking about crawling through rocks and shit.

D. If you go down into unknown caves you will probably get raped by cave creatures, and I will not feel sorry for you. You know better.

E. Even cave creatures have to crap.

F. I hate it when people sacrifice themselves for no reason, like when someone says “you go I will hold them off”. No!!! Fuck that lets both go and fight as we go. You aint going to be a martyr, I am going to tell people you were dumb ass.

G. If a bitch stabs me in the leg, and then comes back and says oops I am sorry. I will stab her back in the leg and say apology-accepted bitch.

H. Re-watch part 1 that film is awesome.

I. I want to see Raven Symone or Beyonce battle cave creatures in part 3.

J. I thought I saw a pee pee (dick) on one of the cave creatures.

2 thoughts on ““The Descent 2” aka “Turn The Lights Off, We Supposed To Be In A Cave”- my fuckin review

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