“The Lovely Bones” aka “The Lovely Boner”- my fuckin review

Ok I got to see the movie “The Lovely Bones” it stars Marky Mark aka Mark Wahlberg and some dead little girl. The movie is about this dead chick who is killed by a serial killer, and she is basically watching her family and the serial killer live their lives, while she is chilling in the CGI go between to heaven. In the beginning the serial killer comes up with this elaborate plan to dig this huge hole in the middle of an empty cornfield behind the school and next to a neighborhood. The hole is like this underground clubhouse with toys and shit in it. So one day he lures the little girl into the pit, and she is a goner. Here is my thing that clubhouse shit hole looked like it took months to make, and it was so out in the open. How did he not get noticed making it? If i was going to kidnap someone I would just go bash them over the head in a Wal-mart parking lot, I wouldn’t spend 3 months making some clubhouse shit hole. Also right before the dead girl dies, she talks to some boy, and they plan to go out, but she gets killed first. The rest of the film he acts all sad sitting around and shit about some girl he just met once. I am like yeah you didn’t know this trick, I mean shit I have known some people for a year and if they got kidnapped, I would only be sad for a month tops. This guy is crying for a year. SHUT THE FUCK UP.  Then the living sister of the dead chick gets nosey and goes into the killers house to explore. Now let me say this to you about white chicks in horror films, WHITE CHICKS ARE SOME NOSEY ASS BITCHES IN HORROR MOVIES. They always want to see or know what’s is going on, like it’s their right or something. Then they get chased and or killed and wonder why. CUZ YOU NOSEY BITCH! Stay at home and knit or wash your hair, you will live longer. Also when those nosey chicks find out what is going on or the truth about shit, it is then that they want to keep that shit to themselves. When I find out who the killer is or whatever, I will make a god damn sign and run down the street saying they did that shit with a bull horn. Overall the film is interesting and I enjoyed watching it once (No twice for me), If you want to see what “Unsolved Mysteries” looks like with a big budget this is it. Also for all you Hobbit nerds, Peter Jackson directed this.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Marky Mark is stupid, I hate him now ( If you have not watched “The Happening” you will not understand, he sucked so bad in that film that it makes the next 10 films he stars in suck just because).

B. If you are going to kill someone just go do it, don’t dig a hole for months.

C. DON’T FUCKIN TALK TO STRANGERS – Fuck I still don’t.

D. White chicks are nosey bitches in horror films.

E. Purgatory is CGI who knew.

F. Fuck you again Marky Mark.

G. If you find out who the killer is or whatever put that shit on FACEBOOK ASAP, and tag the killer in a photo.

I. If I come back as a ghost I will haunt the fuck out of everyone.

J. Why do serial killers all wear the same reading glasses.

K. This may seem like common sense, but sense ain’t never common. If someone says come down into my clubhouse shit hole in the ground. DONT GO.

L. If I am murdered, I am not going to come back to observe shit, I am going to come back for revenge. Fuck sitting around crying and shit, going “Oh mommy and oh daddy”, I am after my killer and I will personally drag him to hell.

M. 30 minutes of this film could have been cut out of it. We get it, CGi mountains and shit are pretty.

8 responses to ““The Lovely Bones” aka “The Lovely Boner”- my fuckin review

  1. ” I am like yeah you didn’t know this trick, I mean shit I have known some people for a year and if they got kidnapped, I would only be sad for a month tops.”

    This was great. I hated that damn movie.

  2. “If i was going to kidnap someone I would just go bash them over the head in a Wal-mart parking lot, I wouldn’t spend 3 months making some clubhouse shit hole. ”

    This is my favorite quote of the month.

    Also, I love Marky Mark. Word

  3. CGI is the Purgatory of creativity. movies from the 80s have better graphics then movies made nearly 30 years later. im sick of Shrek making a cameo in every movie made since 2002.

  4. First off, I just watched this movie ( for the second time :3 )
    Second, Mary Mark is a fucking babe.
    Thirdly, I laughed out lout h-core at “the lovely bones aka the lovely boner”
    Fourth..ly, “This may seem like common sense, but sense ain’t never common. If someone says come down into my clubhouse shit hole in the ground. DONT GO.”

    AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH!!!

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