“Legion” or “Send Me an Angel” -My Fuckin review

I just watched “Legion” it stars Dennis Quad and some other assholes. It is basically about this white trash chick who works at a diner in the middle of the desert, and she is pregnant. Then this angel comes down from heaven and cuts his wings off, cuz he is over working for heaven. Meanwhile back at the diner the shit is hitting the fan, and old lady demon bitch is trying to kill the white trash pregnant girl, and flies are attacking. They are now trapped in the diner and realize it is the end of the world. The angel shows up and dances around the fact that he is angel, and hands out machine guns to fight demons that are coming. So the demons show up in caravan and the angel helps Quad and the white trash girl kills demons, and then the angel finally says he is Michael (a popular angel in heaven) and an angel. Quad says “This is crazy, you can’t be an angel, I don’t believe in god”. Ok lets stop here for a minute and talk about some shit that pisses me off in Horror/Fantasy films. Now Quad has seen an old lady demon bitch climb up on the fucking ceiling and eat people, flies attacking and a fucking caravan of demons pull up, and this mother fucker is now saying that he don’t believe this mother fucker is an angel. SHUT THE FUCK UP. I hate in film when a bitch sees all this fucked up shit, then he going to want to stop and say this “one” thing is crazy. What the fuck. Like in Harry Potter, paintings and walls and shit are talking and floating, then Harry hears a snake talking and gets rattled. BITCH what about the talking painting 5 minutes ago. SHUT THE FUCK UP. OK so anyway the demons are here to kill the white trash chicks baby, and also angels too, everybody hates her baby, fuck I do too at this point. So basically Satan has sent demons to kill it, and God has sent angels to kill it, and Michael Angel said hell no and cuts his wings off to protect her. This makes no sense to me, I thought God knew everything or some shit, and if he wanted a baby dead, he would just snap his fingers and that babies head would explode inside her white trash ass. So eventually Michael’s brother Chuck Angel or something like that shows up, to say “Hey God told me to tell you we gotta kill this baby”. Michael says “I gave god what he needed, not what he wanted” HUH, He is god. What the fuck are you talking about. So they lost me there. Then this older black character is talking to Tyrese who just happened to be carrying a gun before all this shit popped off. The older black dude says to Tyrese “Why are you carrying that gun?”, basically calling him a gang banger, like why would anyone carry a gun unless they were a fuckin gang banger. I was like what the fuck is this racist ass shit, He did not know Tyrese’s past and called him a thug cuz he had a gun. Even though earlier because he had that gun on him he was able to blow that old lady demons face off. I would have said fuck you old racist black man I SAVED YOUR LIFE BITCH, then I would have shot him, and said I just decided to become a gang banger. So anyway they never say why the baby is important, I guess he must be Jesus part 2, but they don’t say it. If he is Jesus part 2, then God doesn’t like him. This makes no sense to me. This movie is a weak cut, It is forced and messy, and I have seen this plot done better on the TV show “Supernatural” and the movie “The Prophecy”. The score is also weak and the demons are lame and have no character at all. I say skip this movie all together.
Trailer:

THE FACTS:

A. Call me a gang banger and I am going to act like one.

B. I ain’t saving no white trash lady’s baby until you tell me who he grows up to be.

C. Why the fuck would you open up a diner in the middle of nothing and expect to make money.

D. If God says kill that baby, just do it for christ’s sake. Get Christ’s sake haha

E. I will never cut my wings off.

F. If you run outside to help some kid in the middle of 50 demons, then YOU IZ A FOOL. I will not go help you.

G. That kid in the middle of the 50 demons was a fake out anyway, and it was a demon too. SEEEEEEEE

H. If you come to me tomorrow and say I am angel and let’s kill some demons, I am not going to cry, and say “OMG my whole belief system is now fucked up, what am I going to do” like a fucking cry baby. I am going to ask if you got 2 Uzi’s and some holy water and say “LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED RIGHT, YA’LLLLLLLLLL”

I. Bad guys really do make more sense than good guys.

J. Shut the Fuck up QUAD, your best role was in JAWS 3D.

K.They should have played this song in the end credits. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6zBjYIyz-0

L. The movie poster looks like an ad for trance/techno night at a gay club.

6 thoughts on ““Legion” or “Send Me an Angel” -My Fuckin review

  1. Hi Eddie -This review cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh…and the warning. Not that I was planning to see it anyway.

    Peace!
    CCP

  2. They stated the reason why the kid is important. He is to be a prophet when he grows and he is destined to redeem humanity. Now God is wrathful at humans and finally hits rock bottom so he decides to end their chance of redemption cuz they don’t deserve it.
    The diner was supposed to be on an important high way but some detour shit or big ass project ended its potential.
    I am pulling this out of memory. I saw it long ago.
    But I liked the ice-cream man.
    And if you did notice, in many apocalyptic or horror movies some characters are built to do some dumb shit that would get em killed!
    Guess this applies to Gibson cuz, lets face it, it was clear the boy was a decoy…
    Kind of reminded me of pet cemetary where that little cute kid is holding a knife and terrorizing everyone in the movie while he actually looked funny…
    But all in all, I liked the movie..
    Watched it more than once back then
    But I agree the dialogue is abrupt and vague
    And the characters do stupid things along the way
    And Paul Bettany was like a wax statue…
    And you should have recognized him btw…
    He was in enough movies to be recogbizable to you by then…
    And I think that God created angels to do his work but in this movie, they blew it out of proportion a little bit…

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