“The Human Centipede” or “Get Your Face Outta My Ass Bitch”- my fuckin review

I just watched the “The Human Centipede (First Sequence)“. Let me first start off by saying WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON OVER THERE IN GERMANY. HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I WILL NEVER GO TO GERMANY NOW! Ok here is the deal, two white chicks are on vacation in Germany, and take a back road in the woods to go to some club, they get a flat tire, and because they are 2 white chicks from America they decide the best way to get help is to walk through the woods and not stay on the main road. Then they end up at this German doctors crib, and ask to use his phone, but he is a fucked up perv and gives them water with sleeping Alka Seltzer in it, and because they are 2 white chicks from America they drink the water from a weird pervy German dude they do not know. When they wake up the real fun begins, he decides that he wants to make a fucked up human version of a centipede, which means, he takes this Japanese dude and cuts his asshole open and then sews the dumb white chicks mouth to his asshole, then he cuts her asshole open and sews it to her friends mouth. So it will be like one big long eating and shitting intestine.Then the Japanese dude has to eat, because he is starving, now he will have to shit, and it will go into the first chicks mouth, then she will shit it out and her friend will have to eat it and the crap that out. ARE YOU CONFUSED YET? OR SICK? OR TURNED ON? (I don’t know what you freaks are into). I am not giving anything away either this is just the set up. There is other fucked up shit (get it shit) that happens. The whole movie I kept saying “I don’t want to eat my best friends shit ever”. This movie is nuts and you are tense just waiting to see who shits first, It is shot well and the German Doctor is creepy and effective and has the best white lab coat EVER. The 2 dumb white chicks from America seemed like they were forcing their dialogue, but they ate shit well. Anyway if you want to watch something totally fucked, then this is the jam for you. It made me wonder what the fuck is really going on out there in the world, like if somebody thought of this, then whatever is “Really” going out there must be insane. Humans hahhaa they are all crazy. I say watch this feel good movie of the summer.

TRAILER:

The Facts:

A. I don’t want to eat shit ever.

B. I keep praying nobody had gas.

C. Germans are crazy, I blame Hitler.

D. Going into the woods is NEVER the answer. Unless you are being chased away from the road, never go into the woods.

E. If you are a dumb ass white American girl, you should just stay home, don’t go anywhere. You will surely die.

F. Neve drink water or anything from people you do not know. (bars, houses, etc.) Sometimes my mom gives me a glass of water and I dump it out just to be sure.

G. I just had a terrible thought, I feel like perverts are acting this movie out for sexual reasons, OMG I am sick now.

H. Sometimes when dumb ass white girls do stupid shit, I side with the killer.

I. They should have played “Doo Doo Brown” by 2 Live Crew in this movie somewhere or Yackety Sax (The Benny Hill Theme song) will they were crawling around in fast forward.

here is the Benny Hill version- you will have to copy and paste the link. It’s worth it.

http://bennyhillifier.com/?id=IX8fKLjC__c

J. It really is a fucked up image,  you need to rent this shit, and the go to the bathroom and pray to whatever god you pray to that your best friends ass is not surgically sewn to your mouth while you are crapping.

K. Let it be known those 2 dumb ass white American girls came to the German doctors house. They were uninvited guests, they also spilled their waters. That shit is rude.

L. This movie is really about team work and learning how to work together, even if there is shit in your mouth.

M. Here is a Human Centipede Makeup Tutorial.

N. Here are some people dress up as the centipede for Halloween.

O.  Here is a tattoo someone got of that shit.

8 thoughts on ““The Human Centipede” or “Get Your Face Outta My Ass Bitch”- my fuckin review

  1. Hahaha, lovely review. What happened to making movies like Dukes of Hazzards?
    Anyway, so whens part 2 coming out?

  2. Yeah, I just watched this shit last night. The only way I got through it was by subduing myself with vodka and pomegranate 7UP. I am glad I watched it, though, and I will no doubt watch it again. It sounded too weird to not watch it. By the way, there IS going to be a porn flick based on this movie…and I will masturbate furiously to it. J/K!

  3. Omg..you crack me up. I stumbled on this blog and it’s now my favorite review site to look forward to reading. You say the funniest shit that’s so true too. Keep up and don’t stop making us laugh!

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