“Predators” or “Welcome to the Jungle” my fuckin review

Last night I got to see the new movie “Predators”. Starring Danny Trejo and some other actors. The movie starts off like the TV show “LOST”, a group of people are dropped off in the Jungle. They are picked from different spots on earth and they do not know each other. They slowly find out their asses are trapped on a Predator game preserve, and are fucked. I like this basic plot for the film, I feel like they did not over complicate that shit. Just put humans in the jungle and have theirs asses running around shooting shit trying to survive. As the movie goes on you learn more about who the characters are and where they came from. It didn’t seem forced because no one knows each other in the film either. The other cool part is that the Predators aren’t the only alien life forms in this jam. The film was composed by John Debney, he borrowed and revamped the original score from the first Predator film. The original score to “Predator” 1 is an amazing score by Alan Silvestri, so I’m glad they borrowed from the original. So yeah without giving too much away, I liked it, I liked its simplicity, and I liked Adrien Brody and Danny Trejo in it too. Did I love it? No. But I did like it a lot, and I’m glad they came up with a cool Idea for these Predators in a film and it was also shot well (there were a couple of times I was like “now that is pretty”). I am also glad this shit was rated R and not some PG-13 bullshit. If you are looking for “Lost” meets “Predator” then go see this jam. It is fun. I wished Robert Rodriguez would have directed this though, he was only the Producer. I think there would have been more memorable lines in the film then.
It is a fun Sci-fi action film, go see that shit.

The trailer:

The Facts:
A. If I was dropped off on a planet to fight Predators, then I would assume I was fucked.

B. You never see a Predators penis.

C. This one dude talked about doing coke and raping people. It was funny.

D. Topher Grace plays an awkward nerdy guy. He likes to play different characters. I’m being an asshole here.

E. Adrian Brody is all good, He seems real to me.

F. Danny Trejo really is gold.

G. For whatever reason in these types of films there is always an asshole who feels the need to sacrifice themselves, for no reason, They just want to stop and buy time so the main white dude can get away. They could have run too, but they are like “You are whiter than me so it’s important you live”. Fuck that I will push you out-of-the-way, I aint staying behind to fight shit so your ass can get away.

H. There was a moment that pissed me off. At one point a character that doesn’t have any weapons is in the middle of a room with guns and shit, and he only picks up road flares. FUCK YOU. On the films behalf they do sort of answer this later, so i was like ok, I’m ok with the answer hahha.

I. I wish this move was called “Da Predators” and in the movie the Predators dropped off only Rock and Rap stars to hunt. You know like T-Pain, Lady Ga Ga, Lil Jon, Bono, Justin Bieber, Ludacris, Tina Turner and Peaches. Now that would be a god damn fight for survival. Tina Turner would blow one away first, and say “Bitch I was married to Ike Turner, you aint shit mother fucker”.

J. If you get wounded and there is a Predator on our asses and on a fucked up planet, and I have only know you for an hour. Then your ass gets left behind. Sorry fuck you. You shouldn’t have broken your leg bitch.

K. There were 3 new predator designs and an old school one.

L. Morpheus was in this movie, but without sun glasses and more chunky.

M. The Predator had a sword fight with a human, who just watched “Kill Bill”

N. They should have played “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns-n-Roses in the end credits.

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