“The Secret Life of Bees” or “This Shit Ain’t about Spelling Bees” – my fuckin review

I was recommended to watch “The Secret Life of Bees” and I swear I thought it was going to be about spelling bees, it was not. OK the movie begins with Dakota Fanning killing her momma when she is a baby. She then grows up to Dakota size and her dad is an asshole and hates her. One day CGI bees show up in her bedroom and tell her ass to go look for honey. Dakota is white trash but has an American Idol maid (Jennifer Hudson) that the white folks in the town do not like because she is black and her hair is missed up. South Carolina was full of racist assholes in the 1960’s. Dakota’s dad doesn’t like the American Idol either and makes Dakota put her bloody knees in grits. Later Dakota and the American Idol go to visit The Queen Latifah and Alicia Keys to make Black Madonna Honey to eat and learn about life or some shit. So yeah this movie was just OK for me. I don’t know if I care about see Dakota Fanning basically carrying a whole movie. I do like The Queen Latifah, and Alicia Keys didn’t do to bad of a job in it. Here is what is lame though, they have all these chicks who can sing that are in the same film together and they are not singing. Jennifer Hudson’s performance was forced and wooden. Well if you are bored and want to see a little white trick boss a bunch of older cooler black ladies around then this is the movie for you.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Shut your white little ass up Dakota.

B. I wish it would have been about winning a spelling bee.

C. Queen Latifah should have slapped the shit out of Dakota Fanning.

D. Jennifer Hudson is boring to me.

E. Alicia Keys does have some fire to her.

F. I want some honey so bad right now.

G. Do grits hurt your knees?

H. Don’t shoot your mom, it will fuck you up.

I. CGI bees hahahha

J. Three people who can sing and ain’t singing. WHAT THE FUCK.

K. White people can be real fuckin assholes sometimes.

L. I wish the bees would have stung Dakota to death like that Home Alone Ho from the movie “My Girl”.

M. A better movie would have been about Queen Latifah being a queen bee, and then killing racists in South Carolina, while rapping.

4 responses to ““The Secret Life of Bees” or “This Shit Ain’t about Spelling Bees” – my fuckin review

  1. I think your idea for this movie is a better one, but I still liked this movie. Give me a break, I’m a girl. We like emotionally touching shit. That sounds kind of perverted….which I like.

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