“The Stepfather” 2009 remake or “My Stepdad is an Asshole”-my fuckin review

I finally sat down and watched the remake of “The Stepfather” it was made in 2009, the original was made in 1987 with Terry O’Quinn. Terry O’Quinn is one of my top 10 favorite actors on earth, and yes before “Lost”, thank you every much. So yeah this new guy had a lot to live up to. It is basically about this dude who is a serial killer and he meets divorced women with kids and then marries them. Then he gets pissed off because no family will every live up to your standards, oops I mean his standards. So then he is all, this new family sucks cuz they play video games to load, or the son likes to make out with Mandy Lane. Yes Mandy Lane (from “All the Boys Love Mandy Lane”) is in this film. I still loved her in this, I thought she was going to turn into a nosey white bitch, but she never gave a shit about her boyfriends new step dad. She did wear a lot of bathing suits though. The stepfather must be a catch because they got engaged only after 6 months. The mom also had these lesbian best friends who were suspicious but it was 6 months too late, and they warn her poorly. They send her a fucking email, and didn’t leave a message on her phone. Through out the film there was this terrible generic rock music that kept kicking up here and there. I hated that. So yeah the original was more creepy and scarier, Terry O’Quinn is the shit. This new stepfather is a pile of shit. The score to the old one is amazing, this new score was forgettable crap. Is the movie terrible? No, but it is predictable and boring. Even the house they live in is boring, and yes if you have seen this movie and your house looks like this, then you are fucking boring. So yeah skip this shit and rent the old jam, that one has a cool scene where the stepfather hits the wife in the head with a phone.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Why are step parents always evil? Are they assholes? I have no idea.

B. I love Mandy Lane.

C. The stepfather picks up chicks in grocery stores, do people do this for real? and If you do, tell me how to.

D. 6 months seems like a long time. I would have gotten married the first month.

E. I mean shit he just wants a decent fucking family, who don’t.

F. Americans houses are boring and so is their furniture. Yes yours too.

G. The stepfather stared a lot. I would have flashed him.

H. There was a “cat out of nowhere” scene. Where a cat flies out of nowhere for a cheap scare.

I.  There was also a “scary person revealed in mirror” scene. Where a character is looking in the bathroom mirror, and then opens it for pills, then closes it and the killer is revealed behind them for a cheap scare.

J. If you have best friends and their new boyfriend is sketchy, then tell them.  I will tell you that he is a bitch.

K. The main kid made weird faces all through the movie. Here is one of them. “Fuck you stepdad”

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