“Lifeforce” or “Sucked Off By Space Vampires”-my fuckin review

I know I am behind the times but I just got to watch “Lifeforce” (1985), it was written by Dan O’Bannon (Dan used to co-write with John Carpenter, and he directed my favorite zombie movie “The Return of the Living Dead“, oh yeah and he wrote “Alien“) and directed by Tobe Hooper (Original “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre” and “Poltergeist“). Ok so the story is pretty cool and is basically about these white astronauts who are checking out Halley’s comet and find a spaceship chilling inside of it. The spaceship has big ass vampire bat people and 3 naked models that are all dead in it. The astronauts take the 3 nude models (1 chick and 2 dudes) back to earth to run some tests on their asses. The 3 nude models turn out to be nude space vampires, and they start sucking off humans and draining their energy. When human guys (I wonder if gay guys would want her) see the nude vampire chick they want in her pants, but she is not wearing pants, so it all works out. The humans that get sucked off by the nude vampire models die, but then come back to life to suck more people off. Later London goes to shit and turns into some sort of weird zombie vampire apocalypse and the main guy has a dream about the chick vampire and she breaks him off in the dream. Ok so this movie is nuts but fun to watch. There are animatronic zombies, vampires, and nude people running around in it. The dialogue is a little slow at points but it’s still a cool story that explains where vampires come from. Check it out of if you want some cheesy 80’s fun or you are horny for hot nude vampire models.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. I love Dan O’Bannon

B. I love an English cast.

C. I like that the vampire models were all nude the whole movie.

D. I don’t want to have sex with an alien vampire. Wait maybe I do. Don’t judge me.

E. I wonder if holy water works on space vampires.

F. I wish I could have been in their “Mass Chaos” scene in England.

G. These vampires didn’t have sharp teeth.

H. These vampires were basically “Energy Vamps”, In real life I hear they hang out at goth clubs, and I think I knew some of them. They just make you tired.

I. Captain Picard shows up at one point and his face bleeds, and the blood from his face forms the nude vampire chick.

J. I mean there were 3 vampires, and not once did anyone attempt a 3 way with them. Hello they were all nude and models.

K. Halley’s Comet really means “Evil Star”.

L. Look at this poster for it.. HOLY SHIT!

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