“Resident Evil: Afterlife” (part 4) or “Multi-vich’s in the Zombie Matrix”- my fuckin review

HAHAHA I have no idea what “Resident Evil: Afterlife” was about. In the beginning there were a shit load of Milla Jovovich‘s doing cart wheels and shit, they really should have called it “Multi-vich”. So the multi-vich’s are killing all the Umbrella people (which are the bad guys who let loose a virus that made all these zombies). This is part 4 in the series of movies, so the apocalypse popped off in part 1, so basically everyone is dead or a zombie by now. Millia flies around trying to find survivors, I guess to mate with or talk to. Along the way she meets some friends and they do cart wheels together and bounce off walls and shit in slow motion. Then a blonde Neo from “The Matrix” shows up with the worst acting job I have seen all year (I don’t watch Sandra Bullock films or else he would have been the second worst). A brother and sister team do show up and I liked them, they were pretty and had guns. Later this big mother fucker shows up with a hammer axe to fuck the party up, but thanks to more slow motion they were able to get away. In the the end there is a boat, more cart wheels, and a lot of Matrix-motion (bullet time, slow mo, freeze frame while jumping in air, etc). Although the plot is a fucking mess and I have no idea what was going on (Yes I have seen all the films and I played some of the games) I still had fun laughing at all the Millia’s flying around in slow motion. I like the Redfield’s played by Ali Larter and Wentworth Miller, they were pretty cool. I hated the guy who played the blonde Neo (Shawn Roberts) he was fuckin stupid and boring. I did however love the score by tomandandy (it’s two dudes named Tom Hajdu and Andy Milburn who composed score to the remake of “The Hills Have Eyes”). Oh yeah there were a few zombies in it, not for long though. I can’t recommend this film to anyone, but if you like Millia in slow motion and Matrix type action with no plot then go see this jam. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it either, but liked the action. Matt G. told me that the games have a better story line than the movie. So just play the games I guess. Matt G. should be trusted on this, he loves Resident Evil a lot.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. HAHAHA I can’t stop laughing about Millia’s face in slow motion. My favorite part is in the trailer too, it’s at 1:05 (Millia flying the air)

B. I thought these films were about zombies.

C. What the fuck was even going in it.

D. I like that big mutant mother fucker, but who is he? No I don’t really want you to tell me, the movie should have.


E. I want to jump and run in slow motion so bad now.

F. I do love machine guns in movies.


G. If you speed up all the slow motion scenes in the film to their normal speed, the movie would have only been 30 minutes long.

H. The 3D looked pretty.

I. I like hot sister and brother teams in movies. Like Zan and Jayna of  “Wonder Twins” fame.


J. I bought the score.

K. I really did fucking hate that blonde Neo character Albert Wesker he was a piece of predictable shit. At one point he threw his sunglasses at someone and I was like “um that shit don’t hurt bitch”.

L. I wish I could have done cart wheels with them.

M. I really do have a soft spot for apocalyptic films.

N. The director Paul W.S. Anderson directed “Mortal Kombat” and “AVP: Alien vs. Predator“. I do love Mortal Kombat.

O. If had a shit load of clones, I would have an orgy, not do cartwheels.

P. HAHAHA look at this fucking poster. haha I love it.



2 responses to ““Resident Evil: Afterlife” (part 4) or “Multi-vich’s in the Zombie Matrix”- my fuckin review

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s