“Splice” or “Sporty Splice”- my fucking review

Ok I didn’t catch “Splice” in the theatre but just watched it last night. The story is kind of confusing but here we go. So Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley are scientists, who are married and dress super casual in the lab they work at. They decide to make these 2 living turds that eventually mate. I think they are trying to find the cure to cancer or some shit. Anyway the married mad scientist duo decide that making two ugly turds is not enough, so they make a new Splice Girl. Listen I love a montage as much as the next guy, hell I wouldn’t do a film unless there was a montage in it, but this montage was like 5 minutes into the movie. What the fuck! Give me a minute to know someone before we have a techno music montage. So the new Splice Girl gets crapped out and looks like a featherless chicken bitch. Now Adrien and Sarah decide to raise this chicken bitch like their own or some shit. This movie made me sick of my stomach due to this nasty chicken bitch, and later Adrien has a sex scene with it and I almost threw up. Then I think Sarah gets raped by it and I almost threw up again. I am not trying to date or mate with a chicken bitch ever. This movie is like a weird cross between “The Fly”, “Alien” and “Spice World“. You would think I would love this trio, but it just made me sick. I wanted to punch that chicken bitch the minute it fell out onto the floor. GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. So if you like featherless chicken bitches having sex with Adrien Brody than this film is for you. You better get a barf bag you will need it.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Adrian Brody’s hair looked like 90’s shit in this film.

B. Don’t do a montage 5 minutes into your film about characters we don’t know yet.

C. Two slugs don’t make a right.

D. I loved the Spice Girls; I wish this movie were about creating a new genetically engineered Spice Girls Band.

E. I love to eat chicken, but not chicken bitches.

F. Don’t have sex with a genetically altered turd.

G. I mean it really was a raunchy sex scene with Adrian and the Chicken bitch.. UGHHHH nasty.

H. THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE

2 thoughts on ““Splice” or “Sporty Splice”- my fucking review

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