“The Karate Kid” 2010 or “Jackie Chan Beats Up Some Chinese Kids” – my fuckin review

Look I liked the old “Karate Kid” films give me a break. OK so this time Will Smith’s brat Jaden Smith goes to china. There Jaden gets his ass whipped by some local chinese kids who are way cooler than him. Then Jackie Chan shows up and beats the cool Chinese kids up as pay back, yes a big ass adult Jackie Chan beats up kids. Ok so anyway Jackie teaches Jaden KUNG-FU, yes not karate, so he can enter a tournament known as Mortal Kombat (just kidding, I fucking wish). Along the way he meets this chinese girl and they fall in love (they are fuckin 12 years old give me a break), and Jackie Chan cries because back in the day he killed his wife and kid in a car accident. Well I have to say there were things I liked about this movie like being in China, and the Chinese kids, and the Kung-Fu. Jaden Smith got on my nerves though, every time he spoke all I heard was “I am Will Smith’s kid and I am smart ass that is trying to be funny”. So if you like to see a grown ass man beating on Chinese kids, or you just can’t get enough of the Smith family then this film is for you.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Jackie Chan teaches Jaden the “I can whip your ass by taking your jacket off and wrapping you up in it” trick that Jackie Chan can not stop doing his whole career.

B. Jaden’s character should have been 17 or 18, not 12 years old. I do not believe a skinny, mousey little brat that is 12 is going to learn Kung-Fu in a month, then go and whip a group of Chinese kids asses. These Chinese kids characters have been training since they were born. Give me a fuckin break. It took me a year just to learn how to swim across a pool when I was 12 years old. Fuck you, I was scared of drowning.

C. Jaden’s love interest was cool.

D. Jaden’s enemy Cheng (Zhenwei Wangwas) was cool.

E. Jaden’s mom was cool.

F. Jaden was NOT cool. I guess it could have been worse it could have Justin Beiber as the Karate Kid. What the fuck am I looking at.

 

G. I wish Jaden’s sister WILLOW would have been the Karate Kid. Watch and agree that she could kill you with hair if there were knives in it.

H. This Smith family is so rated G it makes me sick.

I. China is cool.

J.  God I wish Jaden would have had to fight the Olsen Twins. Fuck, I would have passed out.

K. I guess the sequel will be back in America, and Jackie Chan will be the fish out of water this time. GROSS.

L. Jaden needs his ass whipped in real life, by his parents.

M. They played the Red Hot Chili Peppers in this movie haha

N. “Easy to fool, when only see with eyes” Jackie Chan

O. “Kung-Fu is everything” Jackie Chan

P. I would rather watch the Hilary Swank  Karate Kid. See what I mean below.

One response to ““The Karate Kid” 2010 or “Jackie Chan Beats Up Some Chinese Kids” – my fuckin review

  1. This shit made me sick when i heard about it. You cant replace Pat Morita as Miagi, or Machio as the Karate Kid. Pat is probably face down right now. this is sacralige.

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