“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” (2009 Swedish Version) or “Goth Girls Can Solve Crimes Too”- my fuckin review

Ok everyone has been on and on about this Swedish dragon chick movie “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo“, so I decided I had better give it a spin. It begins with this Swedish dude name Michael and he is a reporter that is fired for doing something, I am still not sure for what. Then he is hired by some Nazi’s to find some little girl who is missing. Now enter the dragon chick. She is super smart with computers, loves goth shit, is pissed off, and is checking up on that dude Michael. She can also access his computer from her house somehow. She also has to give BJ’s to her parole officer, or else he will not give her money to live on or some shit. Next the Dragon Girl starts helping Michael try to find this missing girl, and they have sex along the way. Later the Dragon chick gets raped by her parole officer, and then she rapes him back with a dildo and films it for Youtube. Ok so basically this film is about a weird ass Swedish duo solving crimes in a rated “R” kinda of way. How they meet up to fight crime is cool and I do like that they fight Nazi’s, who knew there were still Nazi’s in Sweden. If you are into Swedish gothy punk girls giving BJ’s and solving crimes then this movie is for you. I thought it was just OK, it was interesting if it was 1995, but it’s slow.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. This ain’t nothing but the goth version of Nancy Drew, but that’s ok.

B.  Sweden is pretty, but there are a lot of Nazi’s there.

C. “He was an evil mother fucker who hated woman”- Dragon Tattoo chick

D. The Dragon Chick should have done more cart wheels.

E. Honestly I felt the plot was 90’s. I had to ask what year this movie is taking place in. I thought it was 1995.

F. I like the title though.

G. I don’t ever want to get raped by an ugly parole officer.

H. Can a goth girl in Sweden access my computer and look at the music on my itunes?

I. The score was not bad, but it needed a James Bond like theme song from “The Killers” singing “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoooooooooooo”.

J. I don’t think I could ever be a detective, it’s just so boring.

K. I wish her tattoo talked, and gave her advice about dating in the goth scene in Sweden.

L. Dragon Chick was bisexual, but I hear everyone in Sweden is. Sounds like a nice place to live.

M. I hope when they make the American version of this film they cast Adam Lambert as the gothy girl with that dragon tattoo.

N. I wish the sequel was called “The Girl with the Dragon Ta-TWO”.

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