“The Crucible” or “Teenage Pilgrim Girls Are Bitches”- my fuckin review

Ok I have never seen the “The Crucible” but wanted to because it is about witches and Winona Ryder. The story takes place in 17th century Salem, Mass. and Winona Ryder accuses a shit load of people of worshiping satan and being witches. It begins with Winona and a bunch of other teen girls hanging out in the woods naked with a chick named Tituba. They are busted by the town preacher and some of the girls try to act dramatic to get attention. So to avoid getting in trouble they blame Tituba for being a witch, when really she was just a maid with no benefits package. Now the teen girls start calling out anyone they don’t dig in the town for being witches too. The town then goes ape shit and starts wanting to hang all these people.Do you see what happens when teen girls don’t have a pony or a TV to watch, they start accusing everyone of doing witchy shit. Then later we find out Goodie Putnam is a mean bitch, and Goodie Proctor is a nice lady, even though her husband John Proctor cheated on her with Winona. Seriously these teen girls don’t give a shit about anyone and they don’t care if anyone gets hung. In the end it turns out nobody is a witch, they didn’t even own a broom. However if you confess to being a witch the court would let you go and not kill you, your name would be tarnished, but your ass would be alive. I do not want to get hung, I would have said “yeah I am witch you bitch, where’s Jesus I love him again”. John Proctor did not want his name tarnished so his ass got hung. The moral of the story is that America is really a fucked up place, and really hasn’t changed at all. Anyway I did like this movie and I have been to Salem and heard this tale told to me live by Goodie Putnam’s great grand kid or some shit. If you like Winona Ryder and want to learn some witch history and like saying Goodie Putnam, then this movie for you.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Winona Ryder needed her ass beat.

B. All these girls needed a goodie spanking and sent to bed without homemade bread.

C. I like my witches to have brooms and pointy hats.

D. I love Winona Ryder.

E. The court system was fucked up then, and it still fucked up.

F. There was not even a black cat in that town.

G. Shit I would have probably been one of those teen girls, and sold out my whole town for witchcraft just for fun.

H. It really is an interested period in time, watch that shit if you like Salem.

I. I wish my name was Goodie Ray.

K. Daniel Day-Lewis has a weird head.

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