“I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer” Part 3 or “I Will Always Shit On Your Summer”- my fuckin review

Ok fuck it I knew better, but whatever. Listen I loved the first “I Know What You Did Last Summer“, and part 2 (I Still Know What You Did Last Summer) was a piece of shit. So I figured why not totally wreck the car by watching part 3 called “I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer“. The story begins with a group of teens who are all attractive and they are at a carnival. There they discuss the now legendary fisherman killer from parts 1 and 2, and how on every 4th of July he comes back to kill teens. I guess he does not need to know what your ass did last summer anymore. So the fisherman shows up at the carnival, that is nowhere near water, and chases the teens through the carnival. It should be known that the carnival is packed with other customers who ignore this chase scene. OH NO, one of the teens falls off a parking deck and dies due to the fisherman, but the fisherman is not the real one he is one of their friends who is dressed up to play a trick. This prank has went horribly wrong, so they all make a pack to not tell anyone it was a prank and go on with their lives. Even though they just killed their good friend not some random guy. They get over it and move on. Then a choppy cut to a year later, they start getting 50 text messages a piece saying “I know what you did last summer”, I hope they have a good texting plan. The fisherman is back and he sucks, because there is no ocean or fish in the middle of the country hills. One of the girls is in a shitty rock band and instead of all of them packing up their shit and splitting town, they wait for her to do a concert so some big record executives will notice her, even though their friends are dying left and right this trick is still doing a concert. While the concert is going on and people are still dying two of the other teens feel like it is a good time to make out (You will now say that making out is in a lot of horror films, making out is fine but as long as it’s before the killing starts, shit that’s life, but not after people are dead around you). If you try to make out with me while we are on the run from a killer, that could be anyone, I will assume you are the killer and are just trying to get in my pants to cut my Lincoln Log off and I will surely kill you first. Now all this is going on while another one of the teen boys has decided to break into a bar and get drunk while he waits for the concert to end (once again drinking is fine, but do it before half of your friends are dead and you are next on the list). DO NOT GET DRUNK WHEN THERE IS A FISHERMAN WITH A HOOK AFTER YOU, BUY A GUN BITCH. More shitty editing happens and dead bodies, then finally the killer is revealed. WHAT THE GOD DAMN FUCK!!!!!!!!!! Spoiler alert !!!!!!!!!! I will only do this for terrible movies that are old. I will not do this for new movies. The Killer in this is the actual fisherman from the first 2 films who died. He is now some sort of demon from beyond the grave. This is shit! Get this, he can only be killed by the original hook he carried in the first 2 films, that one of the teens conveniently bought off Ebay, Um I am serious. OK this movie is ASS and TRASH. It makes no sense, is forced and the editing is cheap and flashy. The score is a piece of shit and all copies need to be ran over with my car. I loved part one and it’s a shame part 3 even exists, I hope they all burn in hell for this travesty to horror movies. If you like eating shit then this film is for you.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. The Fisherman is back but nowhere near an ocean. This makes no fucking sense.

B. The cast is stupid.

C. If a fisherman is after me I will buy weapons and fuck his shit up. Unless it’s the Gordon’s Fisherman, he brings fish sticks. I like fish sticks.

D. If you text me 50 times I will get a new number.

E. If a Fisherman kills Kevin V., Marlinda P. or Matt G. I will be on the next plane outta here wearing a nun costume as a disguise.

F. I would deck someone trying to make out with me after 2 friends just got murdered.

G. Ok maybe a gun would not have worked, but I also have holy water in the trunk of my car and my apartment. Yes you read that right. I HAVE it now! Bring it on demon!

H. A fisherman in the country does not make sense.

I. Your teen cast is more important than the killer in your horror film. Casting the right teens is beyond important, these teens were fucking stupid.

J. The story should have involved the fisherman killer after a group of gymnasts on a cruise ship. This way they could do cart wheels and fight the fisherman to Caribbean themed techno music. Starring Missy Elliot as their coach. Now you give me that story I will pass out.

K.  I would have said “Hook deez nutz bitch” to the killer.

L. Anyway this movie is boring and cookie cutter. Skip it and watch part 1 on Blu Ray, now that had a good cast.

M. Here is what I looked like after watching this movie.

4 thoughts on ““I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer” Part 3 or “I Will Always Shit On Your Summer”- my fuckin review

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s