“The A-Team” or “The PG-13 Team”- my fucking review.

Well…. I kind of wanted to see this in the theatre when it was out, but I didn’t until just now. Anyway, so there is this General named Liam Neeson (who does not wear military clothing) who is in Mexico trying to help Bradley Cooper (Face) who has been captured by some dudes. On the way to help Bradley he runs into the rip off Mr. T and for some reason the rip off Mr. T helps Liam, even after Liam shoots him in the arm. Also this is the first time Liam meets rip off Mr. T and now they are best friends. Now they have helped Bradley Cooper and while in the middle of a chase scene they go to a hospital and pick up another guy, who they don’t know, but he can fly helicopters called Murdock. Then they all escape out of Mexico or wherever with explosions and crazy shit that would make the two “Charlie’s Angels” movies look like fuckin “Gone with the Wind”. Ok so now they are all best friends, and their introduction was forced and fuckin sloppy. They should have just been a posse already, I mean fuck it. Anyway cut to 8 years later and they are all in the military but still do not have to wear a uniform. Later they get framed by the American Government, Jessica Beal shows up, they blow some shit up, rip off Mr. T  feels bad about killing people (even though he hasn’t killed anyone in the movie). I get it this movie is PG-13, and it made me dislike it more. The literally cut the curse words out of it with sound effects, two different times a character says “Mother fucker”, but the “fucker” part is cut out of it or an explosion covers the word “Fucker” up. I HATE THIS, Yes I understand why, but I fucking hate it. Well in the end this movie feels like a generic action movie. I liked Liam and Bradley, but the rip off Mr. T and Murdock were horrible, boring, and forced. I watched the original A-Team show as well, and I liked it okay, but this movie was just too PG-13 for me and it bored me. If you like the old A-Team, then you will probably not like this movie. If you want to go down on Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, or Jessica Biel then this movie is for you.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Liam Neeson’s character gets attacked by dogs (in the shadows) and does not shoot them, but rather hand cuffs their heads together. Give me a fuckin break. I am no animal killer, but if 2 big ass monster dogs are about to bite my cashews off and I have a gun, those dogs are going to hell.

B. At one point in the film the rip off Mr. T says “Hell No”. This is a popular line for white writers to write for blacks actors, because that is how they think black folks talk. This is racist to me. I hate the line “Hell No”, Jax in Mortal Kombat 2 says it like 10 times. Here are just 3 examples I found.

C. Jessica Biel’s character was dumb and was just added on so someone would have a love interest. Even though the character of “Face”, who she digs, is a whore in this film.

D. The rip off Mr. T’s character is from Atlanta. He sucked, which Mr. T looks cooler to you?

E. I hate when they cut out curse words. They are the only things that make me happy. 😦

F. The new Murdock sucked. Carrot top would have played that part better.

G. If you are in the military you have to wear a uniform.

H. I wonder how many people wrote a review for this film and called it “The C-Team”. haha

I. I didn’t hate it, I just didn’t care about anyone or anything in the movie. I understand it is supposed to be a “Roller coaster” film, but their coaster went off the fuckin track.

J. The moral of this story was that US Government will betray you.

K. You can blow shit up in a PG-13 film, but they danced around the issue of killing people or showing people die, even the rip off Mr. T has a moment where he may not ever hurt anyone again, and doesn’t want his mohawk. Yes in the film his mohawk symbolizes killing. I mean you have a movie about this elite military team who can’t really kill anyone and yet bullets are flying everywhere. Think the GI JOE cartoon. Well this ain’t a cartoon bitch.

L. Jessica Biel’s best role was on the TV show “7th Heaven”.

M. The rip off Mr. T didn’t say “I pity the fool” once, I think the old Mr. T owns the rights to that line.

N. Go watch the Charlie’s Angels movies instead, at least you know that said fuck it on the set. They were honest I respect that.

2 thoughts on ““The A-Team” or “The PG-13 Team”- my fucking review.

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