“Toy Story 3” or “Time To Get Some Adult Sex Toys Bitch”- my fuckin review

OK so I am not a big fan of the “Toy Story” movies, I mean don’t get me wrong, they are cute and all, but I grew up on “The Transformers”, “Jem” and The Holograms, and Lego’s. I can’t relate to cowboys and potato heads and shit. Now I wanted to watch “Toy Story 3” big time because all these dude friends of mine keep saying “Eddie I cried during this shit and wanted to kill myself”, I was like what the fuck, shit I love toys so I will probably cry too.

The story starts off with Andy who is the toys slave master. Andy has turned 17 years old and is now going off to college to experiment with bisexuality and new toys called “Captain Dildo” and “Ms. Flesh Light. Now all the old toys get thrown out by accident, but end up going to a daycare center, that is ran by this pissed off pink bear that has a fat ass. He is mean as hell to Woody, Buzz Lightyear, that pig bank, and all the other generic toys they chill with. Barbie meets a dude doll named Ken who is a homosexual and they become best friends forever and talk about clothes a lot. It turns out the daycare center is a fucking prison ran by that fat ass pink bear and a big ass baby doll, and the kids that come to the daycare center are retarded (mentally challenged) and end up shitting on and destroying the toys. Next Woody and the posse say “Fuck this nightmare prison, we are busting out of this shit pit”, so they make a run for it and end up torturing some monkey who is a bitch. In the end they make it back home and Andy (the human brat) decides to give his toys to one of the little retarded (mentally challenged) girls that go to the daycare center. Andy plays with the retarded (mentally challenged) girl with his old toys for a while then says “Fuck all ya’ll I am going to go have an orgy with boys and girls in college”. Well I wanted to cry, but didn’t, I even tried to squeeze some tears out but didn’t damn it. It was a cute movie, but I can’t relate to these toys, when I was little I thought all these kinds of toys were cheap and for poor kids. I had Transformers, GI Joe, Jem and The Holograms and horror toys. THAT I STILL OWN! I am not a punk ass bitch like ANDY, I kept my toys and I am glad I did. You see I can’t relate to giving up toys because I didn’t. Call me a hoarder bitch and I will come kick your ass. I still have the toy I slept with growing up, he is a plastic Alligator named Arthur. My toys are happy bitch, because I didn’t give them to a handicapped child. Well if you like Pixar, toys, Tom Hanks voice, and a fat ass pink bear then rent this shit ASAP.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. I like the big franken baby.

B. The opening was cute.

C. You guys are all a bunch of cry babies.

D. Barbie moved in with Ken right after she met him, she is a whore.

E. I guess Tim Allen is glad he still gets acting gigs, even if it is just his voice. I hate his Santa Claus movies.

F. There was this octopus that was kinda of hot, I wonder if it is single, I am interested in all those arms.

G. That fat ass pink bear was a real bitch, and I wanted Woody and them to kill his bitch ass.

H. Hasbro toys weren’t welcome in this film.

I. I still buy toys today, they make me happy, I dare someone to tell me to grow up and I will point out all the flaws in what you call a life. I’d rather be trapped with a stuffed Shamu than a dead-end marriage bitchhhhhh.

J. I really wish they would make a porno toys version of this movie. Here is a picture of “Ms. Flesh Light”.

K. Pixar movies look pretty.

L. Here is a picture of the alligator I slept with growing up named Arthur. He sitting next to my TV right now bitch.

M. When I was like 14 years old, I was like FUCK TOYS, and for Christmas I got all clothes and stupid shit and NO TOYS. It was the worst Christmas of my life. Every since then I make sure I get at least one toy each Christmas.

N.Here is what I looked like as a kid, I think I was drunk off Robitussin.

4 thoughts on ““Toy Story 3” or “Time To Get Some Adult Sex Toys Bitch”- my fuckin review

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