“Justin Bieber Never Say Never” or “Bieber’s Hair In 3D” – my fuckin review

Ok let me first start off by saying I have nothing against the Bieber, I have one song of his and it ain’t bad. Katie Rowlett aka Katie Orr asked me to go see “Justin Bieber: Never Say Never” with her ass and Kyle K. came along for the ride. The film starts off by showing you how Justin Bieber came to power, and it was from emails and Youtube. The movie is really about the people around Justin Bieber, like his mom, dead beat dad, grandparents, friends, and managers and shit. They talk about how some pervert found Justin on the internet and thought he could sing, so the pervert flew him from Canada to Atlanta to meet Usher Raymond. Then Usher was like you are a white bitch but you sing good, so lets drop this album and make some of that paper. The film is building up to Bieber playing at Madison Square Garden (which is apparently a big deal because they would say it was awesome every 5 minutes) and being on the road and shit. Think Madonna‘s “Madonna: Truth or Dare” movie without the truth or the dare. There is a lot of concert footage of him singing and dancing and reaching out at you in 3D, I jumped a couple of times. I was like he is 16 years old and these people are always around him, when does he find to jerk off or have sex with groupies. Then on the road he gets a cold and he might not be able to play at Madison Square Garden, the music in the film tells me this is a tragedy. Later his grandparents cry because they are proud of him, his dad shows up and cries, his mom cries, his fans cry, Katie cries, and Kyle cries. Just so you know I did not cry, I laugh at people crying. OK so it’s not a bad film or anything, and I didn’t know about his past and that he could play instruments and shit. The problem I had with the film is that they barely talk to Justin about anything, the cameras follow him around and interview everyone but him. I am curious about what he thinks about all the craziness in his life and what he thinks about his hair. I really only know one song he sings (well, I guess not anymore) so I think I would have enjoyed it more if I knew more of his songs going into it. Well If you love Justin Bieber, his music or you are into young boys then this flick is for you. If you have a daughter take her and she will piss her pants. I will enjoy the sequel more because maybe by then there will be some more drama in his life.

The Trailer:

Here is a video I shot about me, Kyle Keyser, and Katie Orr going to the theatre to watch the movie and reviewing it for you on video.

I hope you enjoy it.

The Facts:

A. Bieber can play the piano, drums, guitar, sing, and do the rubix cube in a minute.

B. Hanna Montana (Miley Cyrus) shows up at one point and her big ass teeth were poking out in 3D, and now there are teeth marks on my face.

C. I feel like Justin is not a great dancer, but it could be because his shoes are fat. His fucking shoes are bigger than his head.

D. At one point they show his hair in 3D and in slow motion, it was funny, then he slapped the shit out of this white dude.

E. I only saw one boy fan in this film. I guess gay kids don’t get into him, or the editor was homophobic.

F. Boys II Men sang back up for him in one performance. I bet Boy 2 Men wants to commit suicide.

G. I would much rather see Justin in an action horror movie holding a machine gun and killing girls crying.

H. I have never cried over a band or singer in my entire life. I want to though.

I. Honestly he did play the piano, drums and guitar. That is pretty talented because I can only play the triangle.

J. Some of the people in his life are annoying.

K. Here is a picture of Justin’s dad Jeremy Bieber. I bet cougars lay him cuz they can’t lay Justin legally.

L. Justin likes purple a lot.

M. Here is my favorite song by the Bieber.

N. I also like this song now.

O. Justin lived in Atlanta for a while trying to sign record deals. If you live in Atlanta you probably saw him chilling at Lennox Mall at the Cookie Company.

P. Justin needs to pull his fuckin pants up or buy a belt. It looks trashy.

4 thoughts on ““Justin Bieber Never Say Never” or “Bieber’s Hair In 3D” – my fuckin review

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