“I Spit on your Grave” (2010 remake) or “Don’t Go To A Cabin By Yourself EVER”- my fuckin review

I finally got to see the remake of the 1978 classic “I Spit on Your Grave: Unrated” last night with Kevin V. and here comes the review bitch. OK the story is about this cutesy pootsey white chick who goes to the middle of nowhere to stay in a cabin and write a book. On the way to the cabin she stops and gets gas, and these rapists see her and talk to her and she tells people that she does not know where she is going. DUMB ASS! Then at the cabin she starts hearing noises coming out of her shed at night, and decides to be nosey (once again white chicks in horror movies are always nosey as fuck, I have heard noises coming from sheds and I just lock my door and grab a weapon, I don’t investigate for shit) and go looking around. She does not see anything but decides to drink a lot of wine. Later her toilet gets stopped up so she calls the local plumber who is also retarded (Mentally challenged) and she drops her cell phone by accident in the toilet  (I call this a “cell phone disclaimer”, since about the year 2000 horror films have to make a cell phone disclaimer somewhere in the movie saying that the cell phone gets no signal, or breaks, or the battery is dead). Then the rapists, who now include the retarded (Mentally challenged) plumber, come back and torment her with guns and PG dialogue. One of the rapists is played by Joey from “A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors“. So they yell at her and shit but she gets away and runs into a cop who takes her back to the cabin to find out what the fuck is going on. Oh no it turns out he is a rapist too, and the retarded (Mentally challenged) Plumber and the cop rape her, then they fade to black (I assume the fade to black means the 3 other guys raped her as well). She gets away by taking a Nestea Plunge in the nude off a small bridge into a creek. In the end she comes back after a month all calm and shit, and seeks revenge on the rapists. She was boring though, and didn’t seem crazy or revengeful to me at all. You do that shit to me and let my ass live, then you will see the hell I would bring down on those rapists, and the rapists families and friends. Those mother fuckers don’t know what revenge really is. I would fuck that whole town up just for knowing those rapists. The movie was just OK for me, the original was better and here is why. The original was really brutal to the main woman, they showed everything even pee pee’s and such. In the new one they cut away from her being attacked and when you do that you are de-sensitizing your audience. If I can’t see or feel what this lady went through I will not know her pain fully, in the original you see the horror, and it makes you angry and sad and you want to help her kill those mother fucking bastard rapists. I would want my audience to feel what she went through and be sickening by it. Anyway I guess if you have not seen the original then this one might be better to you. Some of her payback was cool and brutal, but she didn’t sell it. She seemed bored torturing them, not crazy or pissed. I want her to go ape shit, because that is what I would have done, and what you would have done. I mean shit if that was even done to my friend I would have done more than she did. Anyway if you like revenge films, or girls getting the big pay back that looked bored doing it then this movie is for you. The worst part for me was their PG dialogue and yet the film is unrated. I curse more in my sleep. I enjoy revenge films, so I enjoyed it but never want to watch it again.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Listen this applies to guys and girls, I know you think the world is pretty and shit and that going to a cabin in the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere is peaceful, but it’s not. OK, yeah go with a posse, but don’t go alone or you will get killed and or raped by people or a bear.

B. Here is the original 1978 poster, it is cooler.

C. Bob from Tim Burton’s “Batman” was in this movie.

D. They hardly curse in this movie, which is bullshit. If you are rapist then surely you would curse a lot. They curse more on “Dora the Explorer”.

E. I wish Lindsay Lohan was the star of this movie, she would have sold that shit.

F. Maybe we need backup cell phones.

G. A one point, one of the rapists said “All city boys are faggots”, I guess that was the harshest language in the film.

H. She had to give a pistol a blow job, but I saw this other movie (Raspberry Reich) where this dude had to do it, but he did it to himself and enjoyed it. To each their own. Here is a pic from “The Raspberry Reich“.

I. Never trust cops in a small country town.

J. Girls go buy some weapons.

K. I really would have blown that whole town up.

L. The great poet Lil Kim once said “Paybacks a bitch mother fucker, believe me”. Go to 3:13 in this video to hear the lyrics. Also the main chick should have driven away with this song playing in the end credits.

M. There were some CGI crows in the film.

N. I was glad Joey from “A Nightmare On Elm Street part 3” was in this movie, but his role sucked.

Then…..

Now….

O. The cop rapist had a wife that was pregnant and a daughter. A real revenger would have taken his whole family out as payback and still that shit would not be even Steven.

P. Here is a picture of the girl from the 1978 version and the 2010 version you be the judge.

1.1978 girl looks insane and numb.

2. 2010 girl looks like she is tinkling.

Q. Remember to escape rapists take the Nestea Plunge.

R. In both films she cuts the main rapist’s pecker off, in the new one she stick it in his mouth. That was cool.

S. Here is the trailer for the old one if you are interested.

6 thoughts on ““I Spit on your Grave” (2010 remake) or “Don’t Go To A Cabin By Yourself EVER”- my fuckin review

  1. I never heard of this movie until a customer came in and told me he found the original version. I was looking up info on it and came across your website. This customer said this movie was based on real-life events and I was wondering if that was factual.

    • To my knowledge no. I have never heard about this being a true story. A lot of horror movies from the 70’s got tagged as based on a true story, but they really weren’t. Maybe loosely based, but I could be wrong 🙂

  2. Yeah, I didn’t think so either. This customer tends to embelish a tad bit. My daughter was going to rent the remake, but I told her about your review. She laughed and said she was going to re-think that. You have a very unique review style and I found it quite entertaining. I will be checking back on more reviews in the future. Thanks for your input.

  3. It is appropriate time to make a few plans for the future and it’s time to be happy. I have read this publish and if I may just I wish to suggest you few attention-grabbing things or advice. Maybe you can write subsequent articles regarding this article. I want to read more issues about it!

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