“La Horde” or “French People are Violent and Pissed Off” – my fuckin review

Last night Cherry D. and Ben B. showed me a zombie flick I had not seen yet, it is a French film that came out in 2009. OK so the plot is interesting, instead of the movie starting with zombies attacking at Wal-Mart or some shit it starts of with a cop drama. These French cops are at their friends funeral, who was killed by some gangstas. So a few cops plan a secret raid/revenge on the criminals that are chilling at the top of this abandoned building in a shitty part of France. The cops and gangstas get into it and that is when out of nowhere zombies starts attacking the building. In the distance you can see that the big city (I guess Paris) is on fire and shit, now the cops and gangstas have to work together to shut these zombies down and survive. In the end it is a violent as hell killing spree. These French people are shooting everything that moves like 50 times. BITCH conserve your bullets! If you like zombie films with pissed off French people who curse a lot then this is for you. The French people do a lot of stupid horror NO NO shit, but I forgive them because they are French. They have not seen as many zombies films as the states have. Rent this shit and you will probably be entertained. The score was nice as well.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. At one point this dude cops tells a female cop that he needs a cop not a pussy. I was like “True”.

B. Who knew the French could throw down and fuck up a zombie party.

C. When there is a zombie apocalypse your past is over, whatever issues or problems you had with anyone is over, and I would change my name to Terence Trent D’arby and fucking call my outpost the “wishing well, kiss and tell”, thats how over Eddie Ray would be.

D. This crazy old dude snorted some cocaine then went nuts killing zombies.

E. I wish Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen were in this movie. Dressed like this and speaking French.

F. It pisses me off when you are watching a zombie film, and the actors never say the word “Zombie” or acknowledge that’s what they are. The first zombie I see I will yell “Return of the Living Dead bitch”, then start popping caps in anything that looks like its rotting (yes, that applies to Sandra Bullock too).

G. They curse the entire film. I was so happy.

H. I hope they remake this in America and it stars Seal and Keith David, and it’s called “L.A. Horde”.

I. I did hate the ending.

J. Watch this scene and you will want to see this movie.

K. If zombies attack and you even look at me funny I will blow our fuckin head and call you zombie. You can’t take any chances.

L. In a zombie apocalypse my friends Molly S. and Cherry D. will join a street gang called “The Splack Pack” and as they kill zombies they will sing this song.

M. I worked in a haunted attraction last Halloween called “Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse”, I was a solider and my friend Lex was a soldier and we would lead customers through an old motel and truck stop while zombies came at us. We would have to shoot them with fake machine guns and the zombies would fall over when we shot them. Lex was there last night watching this movie with us to, just so you know me and him were calm the entire film haha. I was like we did this shit already. Here is what it looks like and yes my ass will be killing zombies in that bitch this year too.

3 responses to ““La Horde” or “French People are Violent and Pissed Off” – my fuckin review

  1. Um, yes. Cherry and I will do that shit. We will shake asses and shoot zombies in order to save our city…. CAN WE PA-LEASE MAKE THIS MOVIE?!?

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