“Paranormal Activity 2” or “Yo Ass Will Get Dragged Down The Hallway Again” – my fuckin review

I watched “Paranormal Activity 2” last night, by myself in the dark. Now let me just say that I liked the first (I said “Like” bitch not love) except for the ending, so I was ready for some scares or whatever. The movie starts off with these white folks in a house with a baby boy, and they are walking around filming their house, the baby and other shit. They also have a Spanish maid (RACIST!) and she knows some sort of Spanish voodoo. It turns out this is a prequel, and the mom in the house is also the sister of the chick from part 1, so this movie happens before part 1. Later shit starts to pop off and the house gets ransacked while they are out at Chuckie Cheese, so the dad installs all these security cams. Then the Spanish maid hears ghosty shit and tries to throw some Spanish voodoo around but the dad is a racist and fires her. Next the daughter and her boyfriend break out the ouija board, and it spells out “Pussy”, I am serious. Now listen people I don’t know if the ouija board is real or bullshit, but I have seen enough horror movies to know not to bring that shit into my crib. Don’t shit where you eat. So now they have fully unleashed a demon in the house, and it is fucking with everyone, including their dog. The mom gets dragged down the hallway and down the steps into the basement and now she is crazy. I stop here so not to give away the scares or surprises. In the end, why is that only white people get possessed? Ok I did think the first one was better, and I tried to pretend it was a really good episode of “A Haunting”. I thought it had a few scary moments and normal people will probably be scared watching it. It just seemed so short and not enough scary shit for me. I do like the surveillance camera angles, and I did like how they connected the first movie and the last movie together. If you want to see more white people doing stupid shit in a haunted house, or just think it’s funny to see a girl dragged down a hallway then this movie is for you. (UPDATE: I watched the extended version and it and I liked it a little better, and if you watch part 1 and 2 together, it is a much better experience as one big film.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Fuck, now I don’t want security cameras ever. I don’t want to see ghosts and shit trying to get me while I sleep.

B. White people really do get possessed a lot.

C. Why do people always dismiss spooky shit. I heard the faucet drip last week and I said out loud “This bitch is haunted”.

D. The dog gets his ass whipped by the ghost demon.

E. I wanted the ghost demon to throw the baby out in the street. I would have screamed then.

F. The mom was played by Sprague Grayden, she was on “24”. So this is not a true story. I do like her though, but look at this weird ass photo I found of her.

G. What if you spray wash the haunted house with holy water?

H. Don’t fuck with demons, or they will fuck with you.

I. Do not fire your Spanish maid, she will be the only one who can help you.

J. If I ghost drags me out of bed, I will probably shit all over the place. Then I would have to delete the footage because I would be too embarrassed to show anyone what happened.

K. This movie is only entertaining if you put yourself in it. I kept thinking if that was me I would….(insert something witty here).

L. I want to see Sandra Bullock and Kevin Costner in this movie, just because I hate them and then I can see them suffer at the hands of a pissed off ghost demon.

M. This Poster is doggy shit. The poster says it is “The most anticipated horror event of the year”, haha no it was not.

2 responses to ““Paranormal Activity 2” or “Yo Ass Will Get Dragged Down The Hallway Again” – my fuckin review

  1. A – why did you put a Q in OUIJA?

    B – I’m picturing you shitting all over your apartment being filmed

    C -Can you make it to Z sometime?

    C1- Can you include Sandra Bullock more?

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