“Nowhere Boy” or “John Lennon’s Mom Was Ho” – my fuckin review

I wanted to see “Nowhere Boy” in theatre but it never came here. This story is about a teenage John Lennon and his Aunt who raised him, and his mom Julia who was a ho. John’s mom split town when he was 5 years old and he didn’t see her ass til he was a teenager, it turns out she lived a few blocks away the whole time. He eventually gets to know his mom and they go out on weird creepy ass dates together. She teaches him to smoke, drink, and listen to rock n roll. Later John wants to be Elvis after watching a movie about him, so he starts a band called “The Quarrymen” and they pretty much sucked, until they meet this gay kid named Paul McCartney who is really into John and teaching him how to play the guitar and jerking off. In the end his mom comes clean on why he dumped John at age 5, and John’s aunt and his mom become sisters again, and John goes off to start some band called “The Beatles”. I really love autobiographies about musicians so I enjoyed this, and I didn’t know anything about John Lennon’s life growing up and I found it very interesting. Even if you do not like the Beatles this movie was still well made and interesting. It really is just a story about a boy trying to figure out who he is, who his mom is and his love for music. So if you like movies about The Beatles or coming of age shit or how to start a band in England then this movie is for you.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. John Lennon fingered girls in the woods.

B. John Lennon got blow jobs in the woods.

C. Here is John and Paul about to kiss. Clearly I am joking.

D. John Lennon showed his penis to people in school.

E.  Aaron Johnson (Kick-Ass) played John Lennon, and I thought he did a damn good job.

F. There are no Beatles songs in this movie.

G. John Lennon seemed like a cool guy, I would have hung out with him.

H. Paul McCartney looked 8 years old in this movie.

I. Here is the song from his first band The Quarrymen.

J. John lived down the street from Strawberry Fields.

K. I love this song by their asses.

L. John always got into trouble in school and made bad grades.

M. I wonder if young people give a shit about the beatles or not? They had some good jams but they didn’t save my life or anything, but I always dug them.

N. I wonder what it would be like to believe in someone’s music so much and cried when they died. I will cry when John Carpenter dies I think. Here is a video I found of humans crying about John’s death.

O. Are there any other Beatles biography movies?

P. Here is a 1980 news report on his death.

Q. I learned about The Beatles from this fictional movie called “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” that was made by Robert Zemeckis in 1978. It’s about this group of teens trying to meet The Beatles. I love it and it is really funny and Nancy Allenstars in it. So I learned to appreciate them through this movie.

7 responses to ““Nowhere Boy” or “John Lennon’s Mom Was Ho” – my fuckin review

  1. This is a hilarious review. I was half expecting Julia to make a move when they were on the couch….I almost turned it off during the creepy date part of the movie but it eventually moved away from that and became quite good. I enjoyed it.

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