“Red Riding Hood” or “What A Great Big Ass You Have” -my fucking review

OK so I went with Austin H. and James F. to see “Red Riding Hood” last night in the theatre. The movie starts off with Amanda Seyfried (Big Love) who is little red riding hood, and she has got big eyes and is horny for some hunky dude in their village. Hoods family wants her to marry some other hunky dude, so now both hunky dudes compete over here. Then Edward and Jacob show up, oops that’s another movie. Their village is being stalked by a werewolf played by Scooby- Doo, and he is out for blood, well I think so. Later a town retard (mentally challenged) shows up and is annoying, and also Gary Oldman who is a werewolf hunter. Then everyone glares into the camera a lot, and your job as an audience is to guess which glare is the hardest, which will reveal who the killer (werewolf) is. I am not sure why they don’t just fucking move to another village but whatever. Eventually Red Riding Hood goes to grandmothers house, and everyone finds out what big eyes, big ears, big teeth and big ass she has. The killer is _____________________. Insert anyone because by the end I could give a shit less. I was praying for a surprise twist and it would be Raven Symone. This movie is boring and dull, and it all looks they are on a shitty soundstage the whole movie. The werewolf looks like a CGI-Fridays version of Scooby-Doo and it was shit. It was not exciting even when it was trying to be. I kept saying this shit aint nothing but “The Village” + “The Crucible” x “Twilight”= shit. Then I found out the movie was directed by Catherine Hardwicke who directed “Twilight” haha This movie bored me, except for stylish red hood. It seemed like a good idea but it is forgettable at best. So if you loved “Twilight” and shitty looking CGI werewolves that are not scary, and girls with big eyes then this is for you.

The trailer:

The Facts:

A. I wish it was called “Red Riding in the Hood”.

B. Lucas Haas was in this, and his role was limited and dumb.

C. Here is a picture of the werewolf.

D. Nobody was naked in this movie.

E.  Here are the 2 hunky dudes she wants to lay. They were boring and dumb.

F. I wish the werewolf would have shit on everyone in this movie.

G. Here is Little Red Riding Hood being driven to the set.

H. I asked my friend James F. what in the hell is the timeframe this movie takes place in. He said “Fairy tale time”.

I. Here is Little Red Riding Hood farting and enjoying it.

J. The movie really was boring and ripped off “The Village”.

K. Here is Gary Oldman going to a gay renaissance festival.

L. I would rather have watched Shelly Duvall’s Faerie Tale Theatre.

M. I wish they would have made “The Three Little Pigs” into a live action movie with 3 fat girls and a pervert.

N. Here is the poster.

One thought on ““Red Riding Hood” or “What A Great Big Ass You Have” -my fucking review

  1. “The wolfen will come for you.” Also, I fucking love the shit out of you for giving an honorable mention to Faerie Tale Theatre. I have the whole fucking series on DVD because it was my favorite thing ever growing up. It is like crack to me, I seriously cannot get enough.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s