The New Rules On How to Survive a Horror Movie

Here is a new 2011 version of The Horror Rules. The rules have changed in the 2000’s. Read so you can survive a horror film.

1. “The person holding the video camera is far more likely to survive up to at least the final reel.”

Movie Examples: The Last Exorcism; Cloverfield; REC/Quarantine; Diary of the Dead

2. “Those with a serious criminal or amoral past – and/or those who have engaged in severely self-destructive behavior – are far more likely to kick the bucket than those with a relatively clean slate.”

Movie Examples: Saw I-VII

3. “The Final Girl isn’t necessarily the final girl.”

Movie Examples: Wolf Creek; High Tension; Death Proof; Cabin Fever; Friday the 13th (remake)

4. “The kills are more brutal, drawn-out and extreme.”

Movie Examples: Saw I-VII; Hostel I & II; any film that could be classified as “torture porn”

5. “If a strangely charming individual with either a German or Eastern European accent:

a) proposes drinks at his/her place.

b) suggests a night of kinky sex (this particularly applies if you write for the internet and/or have a basic hygiene problem).

c) offers you shelter from a rain, sleet, or snowstorm.

d) otherwise seems interested in spending a little alone time with you in a remote location, you’d do best to high-tail your ass in the other direction.”

Movie Examples: Hostel I & IIThe Human Centipede (First Sequence)

6. “Tortured back stories and vaguely sympathetic character motivations areso last century.”

Movie Examples: Hostel I & IIThe StrangersWolf CreekThemOrphanThe Human Centipede (First Sequence)House of 1,000 CorpsesThe Devil’s RejectsFunny Games (remake); The Collector

7. “It’s never safe to bet on ‘happy’ endings anymore.”

Movie Examples: Saw I-VIIWolf CreekThe GrudgeThe RingThe Last ExorcismPulseFinal Destination I-IVParanormal ActivityThe StrangersTexas Chainsaw Massacre: The BeginningHouse of 1,000 Corpses;The Skeleton KeyThemThe CollectorFunny Games (remake)

8. “Social subtext is big again – the key to unlocking the nature or identity of the killer(s) could lie in the ills of society itself.”

Movie Examples: Saw I-VIIHostel I & IILand/Diary/Survival of the DeadCabin FeverShaun of the DeadThe Hills Have Eyes (remake)

9. “To increase your chances of survival, take some time to study the remakes.”

Movie Examples: HalloweenFriday the 13thA Nightmare on Elm StreetTexas Chainsaw MassacreProm NightWhen a Stranger CallsMy Bloody Valentine 3DThe HitcherThe Amityville HorrorThe Hills Have EyesDawn of the DeadHouse of WaxI Spit on Your GraveThe OmenLast House on the LeftThe FogThe CraziesThe StepfatherBlack ChristmasSorority Row.

10. “When in doubt, do the opposite of everything you learned in the first threeScream movies.”

Movie Examples: Scream I-III

(Taken from

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