“At Close Range” or “Walken vs Penn in the World Series of Hair”-my fuckin review

I have never seen this movie but I have seen the Madonna video about 500 times for it. So I figured it was time to watch that shit. The movie starts off with Sean Penn and his brother in the film, who is also his brother in real life Chris Penn. They live in the country and are best friends with Evil Ed from “Fright Night” and George McFly from “Back to the Future”. Sean meets the towns hot red-headed girl and they fall in love. Red on top, fire in the hole. Then Sean gets kicked out of his crib and goes to live with his dad Christopher Walken, but oh no Walken is a thief and steals shit with the help of his brothers and sisters. Now Sean gets into the business of stealing tractors and shit with his dad. Later Walken has to kill a snitch in front of Sean, and Sean shit his jeans. Grow up Sean that’s the life of a thief, you think it’s easy being a thief in the country. Now Sean don’t want to play no more, so he gives himself a tattoo of a heart to show that he loves his boo boo kitty. Now Sean and his friends try to steal tractors on their own, but they are a bunch of fuck-tards and end of in jail. Walken takes Sean’s red-headed girlfriend in and gets her drunk and then rapes her, I think to keep her quiet. Then Walken kills George McFly and tries to kill Evil Ed to keep them quiet, then he goes to a titty bar. In the end Sean and his Boo Boo Kitty get shot a bunch of times and Sean lives and goes to kill daddy and they both learn “Crime Don’t Pay Bitch”. I like this movie even though it was a little slow, but their hair kept things movie along. If you like Christopher Walken, Sean Penn, Crispin Glover, Evil Ed, tractors, guns and music by Madonna then this movie is for you. The crazy part is that this film is based on a true story, I wonder if the real people had big hair too.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. I wish Christopher Walken was my dad even if he stole shit and killed people.

B. Christopher Walken’s hair is huge. Jesus Christ look at his fuckin hair.

C. Sean Penn bites his toe nails in this movie. Also here is his fuckin hair.

D. Here is the Madonna video “Live to Tell” that goes with this movie.

E. Evil Ed from “Fright Night” was in this movie and later he went on to do porn.

F. Here is one of the porn videos Evil Ed is in.

G. Christopher Walken used to be a really good actor.

H. I hoped Madonna was going to show up as a hooker or something in it.

I. Walken was a dead beat dad in this film.

J. The ending was lame, except for the Madonna song. They pause on Sean’s face, and now he has a crew cut.

K. Crispin Glover is either brilliant or fuckin insane.

L. This tag line on the poster is awesome.

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