“Insidious” or “Darth Insidious” – my fucking review

Here is my review for “Insidious“. Ok so the film is about this family (Dad, Mom, 2 sons and a baby) who move into this new crib that looks nice but is spooky as shit at night. Seriously their asses are unpacking and shit starts popping off, this movie don’t waste any time. Don’t worry I will keep shit vague or just what they say in the trailer so that I don’t give anything away. Now the one boy starts exploring the house and falls down, hurts his knee and then the next day his ass in a COMA. So this is what the film revolves around, this kid whose ass ain’t waking up, but there are ghosts tromping and stomping around in the house scaring the shit out of the audience and I jumped twice (that’s a lot for me). There is also this demon that kinda of looks like Darth Maul from “Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace” but his ass is still scary and will rip your pee pee off. Later Barbara Hershey shows up and she is like “fuck all this shit” and calls her friend Elise over, who is also New Line Cinema founder Bob Shaye’s sister and she was the teacher in “A Nightmare on Elm Street“. Elise is a sensibly dressed psychic and tells Barbara and the family they got demons and the house ain’t haunted (PS haunted does not mean possessed in case you think this shit is about to break off “The Omen“), it’s their kid. Now just so you know this is not made up for this movie, in ghost hunting world this concept is talked about often. Places can be haunted by ghosts, but demons (aka Shadow people) will lock onto you as an individual. BITCH BUY SOME HOLY WATER AND SOME SAGE! Just saying.. In the end they battle demons and ghosts and try to save their son. By now you should know that I love and live for horror films, and that I and others who love and live for horror films are hardest to please. We can be bitches or horror snobs. So that being said I liked this movie a lot, and the thought of it happening to me scared me. Will you be crying?  Shit maybe hahaha. Will you try to sound like a tough guy when it is over and say “It was stupid”, then go home and be scare in your bed alone? Probably. What is cool about this movie is that it does not waste time and they don’t really ever discredit each others experiences (Ya know “Oh honey you are just seeing things” or “Honey you are dumb ass”), also they give you them ghosts and demons. They also give you a new explanation of why things are popping off in this film, not the same old ghost shit we are used to in film. This reason is not a new one in the real world, but it is rarely talked about in film. So I was like Ok I dig that shit. The audience was screaming and yelling at the screen, and were totally involved with the movie (I know white folks are always telling me they hate movies where the audience is yelling and screaming at the screen, but I love this, this is what the filmmakers want you to do, they want you to be involved. If you want it quiet then take your white ass to see “The King Speech” bitch).  So if you love spooky shit, Barbara Hershey, demons with claws, a crazy witch bitch, and a sensibly dressed psychic then this movie is for. It was definitely for me. I can’t wait to see it again on Friday. If you didn’t like “Poltergeist” or “Paranormal Activity” then stay home. This is this generations Poltergeist bitch.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. The Director of this film is James Wan, he made “Saw“. I hated SAW, but loved this.

B. I love Lin Shaye who plays the sensibly dressed psychic.

C. I think my friend Kevin V. is going through this same shit right now. He has night terrors and I think his ass is on another plain of existence or some shit. Kevin V. is INSIDIOUS!

D. I love Barbara Hershey. She was in another one of my favorite ghost movies “The Entity “.

E. This lady behind me was so scared, and she kept saying “Run Bitch” and “Call the Police” and “What can you do”.

F. This demon don’t fuckin play.

G. This fuckin witch bitch don’t play.

H. Barbara Hershey don’t play.

I. THIS IS NOT A DEMON POSSESSED KID STORY…. That shit is played out and I am glad this is not the story.

J. The score was amazing and scary and had a 70’s horror feel to it at times.

K. Here is a comparison of Darth Maul and Darth Insidious.

Darth Maul from “Star Wars: Episode 1”.

Darth Insidious from “Insidious“.

L. This is definitely a fun and spooky movie and you will be scared watching that shit.

M.  I like the poster somewhat but it is misleading. Also I am not sure how I feel about the title.

N. I feel like I would spray wash the house with holy water. They do call a priest too.

O.  At one point in the movie the mom hears a demon talking on the baby monitor in their house downstairs. BLEEP that BLEEP!!!!! Cut to me running down the street nude with the baby monitor still in my hand without my baby.

P. I liked the ending!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Q. The score was brilliant. Composed by Joseph Bishara who also played the Lipstick Demon.

Listen:

R. This movie has a Poltergeist 1 and 2 feel to it, but I am fine with that. I love those movies. But nobody beats JoBeth Williams in Poltergeist. I mean shit look at her face when she sees a fuckin ghost. She sold that shit. True terror.

S. There are no boobs or pee pee’s in this movie, although I think the demon is nude.

T. I hope the sequel is called “Insidious 2: Irreplaceable” starring Beyonce.

U. Just cuz you knock at my door it don’t mean I am going to open that bitch up.

V. I will go look for ghosts but I don’t fuck with demons.

W. They play a song by singer Tiny Tim in this. FUCKING SCARY.

X. I was getting into my car last night and I thought I saw the demon by a fuckin tree and I jumped in my car. I think it was a homeless man or a homeless demon.

Y. This girl behind us really did keep screaming “What can you do?” “What can you do?” “What can you do?”… She was so scared.

Z. I like this poster for the movie more.

20 thoughts on ““Insidious” or “Darth Insidious” – my fucking review

  1. Yep, good movie. But we definitely noticed the Darth Maul…man, lucky for them he didn’t bring his lightsabers, or he would have totally won…

  2. I saw this movie last night. terrifyingly awesome.

    and I agree with your review tenfold…. And its hilarious.

  3. It was an okay movie. Saw it a couple days ago and it had a few scary jumping parts, but the main storyline fell flat. It seems to me that they wanted to be Poltergeist so bad that it kind of screwed the movie up. Darth Maul demon was scary until you saw him up close and all I could think about was some jacked up mix between Darth Maul and Jack Black from his Tenacious D music video.

  4. I’m a friggin’ baby when it comes to scary movies, but I have to go see them. My boy is just like you though, and he jumped when Darth Insidious came up behind the dad’s head, I screamed and we left it at that. What got me though is in point F, where he has that Tiny Tim song playing and you see clown puppets, I nearly died. I HATE CLOWNS, and puppets (Puppet Master meets It – I don’t think so!), so when I saw that (I am diagnosed with Coulrophobia btw) I nearly had a panic attack in front of all those people! I agree with everything on here, I’m seeing it again because I’m a masochist for fear!

  5. LOL you are fucking hilarious! i so loved this movie. my fiance took me to see it and he HATES horrors flicks, but he enjoyed this movie.

  6. Nice little review. Cracked me up like mud baked in the sun. I saw the movie last week and although I found the script (NOT the acting) subtstantially less than phenomenal and the third act quite a let down, on the whole I enjoyed it. Gotta say the Lipstick Face demon is a genius creation and the best part of the movie for me, I loved him! Deliciously terrifying at first – when he appeared behind Josh’s shoulder, never had I felt movie-induced fear like it – and then head-invertingly demented later on. The Raimi-esque horror-comedy mix of his character really worked, I feel. That dude deserves his own movie and if he doesn’t get one I’m ‘a clone myself then hunt down Wan and Whannel and throw an infinite number of rotten eggs at them until they concede. Because I have an infinite number of rotten eggs with me at all times, just incase, you know?

  7. funniest review eva! saw the movie few hours ago and I had some trouble sleeping (sissy mode engaged).But reading your review made me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. And I feel it safer to sleep now, especially cause it’s almost dawn^^

  8. Stumbled upon your site while looking for a Darth Maul-Insidious picture. Wanted to say you’re bookmarked! Love horror films, love your humor. Keep it up 🙂

  9. I’m late to this party. Insidious made 97 million domestically so I was in no hurry. Just watched it, fun movie, and your review is great because you describe what’s good about it accurately without giving away any spoilers.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s