“Thor” or “Hammer Time”- my fuckin review

I went to see the movie “Thor” this past weekend so here it goes. Ok so it starts off with Dr. Hannibal Lecter as Thor’s daddy (which I think is a Swedish god) who is pissed off at a whole tribe of freezy people on another planet? Thor’s daddy gets pissed off more one day and shuts those cold freezy bitches down and then still has time to raise two kids. Later the kids grow up and one is skinny with black hair, and the other is a weightlifter from a local fraternity with blonde hair named Thor. Thor likes to party and kill freezy people so now they will not let him take over as king and is sent to earth as punishment for being a bitch. Later he runs into Natalie Portman and she falls in love with him when his shirt is off. Then this nerdy Government dude shows up who was in the Iron Man movies and he is all “Fuck you Thor”.  In the end Thor learns that being a frat boy is not that cool in 2011 and learns to have a heart and not be a drunken brat. Also he throw a mega hammer around and Thor’s brother is an asshole. Ok so I did like this movie, I guess understand a big dude throwing a hammer around hitting people. I love Natalie, but in this movie I wonder if she knew what was even going on. Hell, I don’t really understand what was going on, but I think that is what kept me interested. I think Thor lived in Norwegian heaven or some shit, where they wear a lot of gold. Anyway it was fun and there were a lot of people being thrown around and hit with hammers so I was cool with that. So if you like Norwegian gods running around hitting shit with hammers and big blonde dudes who could possibly be date rapist’s then this movie is for you. I liked it and thought it was fun, but I will not buy it on Blu Ray, nor do I want to see it again, but I will go see sequels and I want a hammer now.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. I like red capes.

B. They do not show Thor’s wee wee in this movie, but Thor played Captain Kirk’s dad George Kirk in the new Star Trek movie.

C. Thor’s daddy aka Anthony Hopkins gets on my nerves sometimes. He needs to play something different like a gay flower shop owner.

D. I would call myself “Thor the whore” if I was Thor.

E. Why the fuck was this song not played in the end credits. M.C. Hammer‘s “U Can’t Touch This”. HELLO HAMMER TIME!

F. I wish Thor would have worn pigtails.

G. Thor hung out with Xena.

H. I did like the actor who played Thor he seemed like the real deal.

I. The score was not too bad, not amazing and little generic but likable by Patrick Doyle.

J. I keep waiting for the “The Incredible Hulk” to show up and fight Thor, but it didn’t happen. Just like in this video.

K. Now I want a real big ass hammer to hit people with, and so do your kids… YAY VIOLENCE.

L. If Thor had sex with Natalie Portman he would have probably killed her with his Thor dick.

M. I saw Natalie Portman once. Watch this video to see her. 1:54 into this. Also we are now best friends if I was a stalker.

N. Samuel L. Jackson keeps showing up in these super hero movies pissed off and with one eye.

O. This big ass robot with a fire face show up horny to shut shit down.

P. What a weird satanic looking poster.

2 thoughts on ““Thor” or “Hammer Time”- my fuckin review

  1. Ok, am I the only one who thought those freezy people looked like the walked off the Buffy set? And I think the secret to surviving human/asgaardian sex is for natalie portman to be on top.

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