“The Green Hornet” or “The Green Whore-Nut”- My fuckin review.

I just watched “The Green Hornet” last night for the first time, and here is the fuckin review. Ok so Seth Rogen‘s asshole dad dies and Seth inherits a newspaper company. Seth used to be a big party bottom and would sleep with everyone and throw chairs out windows. Now he has hooked up with this super dude named “Kato“, who used to make coffee and change oil for his dad. Later Col. Hans Landa from “Inglourious Basterds” shows up as a bad guy and fucks with James Franco, I do like James Franco’s and Col. Hans Landa’s scene. Then Seth and Kato become super heroes but pretend that they are bad guys, so that other bad guys will trust them. I guess that shit makes sense. They finally bump into Cameron Diaz and she is all “I know about crime bosses and shit”. In the end there is some nutty ass action scenes with the green hornet mobile, Seth and Kato fall in love with each other, Cameron D. doesn’t get any action, Col. Hans Landa kills Edward Furlong (John Connor from “Terminator 2: Judgment Day“), and there is a lot of jokes. So I didn’t hate this movie, but it was just OK for me.  I liked Kato the most and I wish the whole movie was about him. Kato doesn’t need some honkey with bad hair and pissy jokes to hang out with, just give him his own movie. I am glad Cameron did not hook with anyone, or fall in love with Seth. I was hoping she fell in love with Kato. It was your basic action movie, do not expect much more. So if you like Seth Rogen, Cameron Diaz, the color green, shit blowing up, and a cool car then this movie is for you. I thought I was going to hate this movie but I didn’t, so that is good.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Michel Gondry directed this film, look him up, I bet you like one of his films. I do not.

B. Kato is played by Jay Chou and he was the coolest thing about this movie.

C. If I was Kato I would have thrown hot coffee in Seth’s face and walked out and said fuck you white bitch.

D. There was some weird fast forward car sex montage that creeped me the fuck out.

E. They played the “Humpty Dance”. I love this fucking song.

F. Jay Chou is cool and dressed the best.

G. James Franco told someone “You dress like shit”. I liked that.

H. There is a “Walking away from explosion but too cool to notice” shot in this movie. I would be ducking and screaming.

I. Here is an old episode of the TV show “The Green Hornet”. The old show looked cooler.

J. I wish owned the car during traffic.

J. Anyway this movie is cute and entertaining, and not what I expected. It was a fun, one time watch.

K. I wonder if this movie does well over seas, or do they think this shit is racist like me. I ain’t no whiteys maid or butler. If you are Asian by all means let me know if I am wrong or right? If you are a whitey I don’t want your opinion.

L. Here is some shitty Green Hornet swag.

M. You never see boobs or a penis in this movie. Not even a green one.

One thought on ““The Green Hornet” or “The Green Whore-Nut”- My fuckin review.

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