“Green Lantern” or “It Ain’t Easy Being Gangrene”- my fuckin review

I went with parents to see “Green Lantern” because nobody would literally go with me haha. Here is the fuckin review… OK the movie starts off and there is nutty shit afoot in the galaxy. This pink skinned Green Lantern  gets hurt by a giant ass space bitch and crashes on earth. Ryan Reynolds shows up as Ryan Reynolds and he is a smart ass fighter pilot who has daddy issues, and likes some chick who is boring. Then the pink skinned Green Lantern is dying and gives his ring to Ryan Reynolds, and Ryan takes it cuz it is green, I mean shit that is why I would have taken it. Now Tim Robbins and Angela Bassett show up as people I am not interested in. Later Ryan Reynolds flies to the Green Lantern planet were there are 1000’s of Green Lanterns partying and shit. There Ryan meets Kill-a-Frog and Sinestro, and they train him to be a green galactic police officer. Ok lets us pause for a second I LOVE SINESTRO, he is cool in this movie, cartoons and toys, and I would probably make out with him, what the hell.  In the end there is some lame ass love interest, and some bad guy character shows up, who is ugly with a huge head. He basically looked like The Elephant Man, I am not scared of The Elephant Man cuz I feel sorry for his fat ass head. In the end there is a big ass battle scene where humans are running, screaming and shitting. OK so I liked this movie, well half of it. All the shit that was in space and on the green lantern planet was cool. All the humans talking about love and stupid shit was boring. It’s like honestly if I get a green power ring and  I can fly and shit, I am not hanging with humans anymore. The big-headed bad guy was just stupid and lame and I wanted to get him a pillow for his fat ass head. The girlfriend needed to die, she was boring and I would have created a giant green Titanic with my ring and smashed it on her fucking head. Don’t give me a power ring or I promise you that I will fuck up the universe. Ryan Reynolds was all good in this movie, I relate to his smart ass comedy so we cool. All the action was really fun, exciting and crazy, but honestly that is all it has going for it. I really did have fun watching it, but if you are looking for a plot then go watch the Lifetime Network on Sundays, there ain’t no story here. I really do love the color green though, so that kept my interest. Ok so if you think Ryan Reynolds is hot or you want to be his best friend, or if you like power rings, the color green, aliens, space, and stupid humans then this movie is for you. People are acting like this movie is shit, I guess because of all the CGI stuff, but honestly I did not mind the CGI space shit. It is what it is, a fucking dude dressed in green with a pretty ring. What the fuck did you expect? I can’t recommend it, but I had fun with those action scenes.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. I like that this film had a shit load of super heroes in it and not just one douche bag.

B. Ryan Reynold’s girlfriend should have been played by Jennifer Lopez.

C. Sinestro (Mark Strong) is the coolest thing about this movie. I wanted to see him go bad, so bad.

D. I kept thinking that Ryan was going to make a green dildo for his girlfriend, and green fleshlight for himself.

E. There are no green boobies or green penis in this movie.

F. I want a fucking green power ring now.

G. I also watched the new animated movie “Green Lantern: Emerald Knights” last night. Nathan Fillion did the voice for Green Lantern. This is what I needed to see in the live action movie, just non stop alien space action. Watch the trailer to the animated movie here.

H. They should have played this song in the end credits. I mean seriously.

I. Stay and watch the end credits for a cool surprise. Don’t wig out, Superman or Batman doesn’t show up. I ain’t that cool bitch.

J. I wanted this fight scene to happen in the movie.

K. I thought it was cool to see all these aliens flying around in space, I just wish it was in the whole movie. I can’t wait for a part 2, so I can see him fight Sinestro.

L. The color yellow is bad in this movie. Green is the color of will power or maybe it was the group “Will to Power”. I would have fuckin passed out if they played this song as they flew into space.

M. Here is a pic of that ugly Elephant Man (Peter Sarsgaard) and the real Elephant Man. I wish he was the real elephant man in this movie though.

N. Anyway I hope they put Green Lantern’s ass in the new Superman “Man of Steel” movie.

O. Here are some dumb asses talking about what they thought of the movie. HAHA

P. I saw the color green for 2 hours after watching this movie.

Q. Do not look up what gangrene looks like, or pictures of rotted feet and nuts come up in google search. haha

R. This was not shot in IMAX 3D, so the 3D was bootleg.

One response to ““Green Lantern” or “It Ain’t Easy Being Gangrene”- my fuckin review

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s