“The Rite” or “The Wrong Piece of Shit” my fuckin review

Ok so I watched “The Rite” tonight and here is my review. The story starts off with this dude who is a mortician but has no faith, so he decides to go to school to be a priest. HAHA Yeah I know, huh? In Jesus school he finds out he still doesn’t have faith so he is like “fuck this I am quitting”. Now his older priest friend says “Don’t quit we will send you to Rome so you can train with an exorcist”. What the fuck! So he goes to train with Dr. Hannibal Lecter, who is an exorcist. Hannibal then takes the faithless priest on a tour to Rome’s most possessed. Here is where it gets shittier. The first demon possessed girl can’t even curse at them, because the fuckin movie is PG 13, yep a movie about demon possession that is PG-13. SHUT THE FUCK UP. The demon girl is saying shit like “Shut up, priest” and “Go away, priest”. HAHA This is not scary, it is laughable and it is a fucking joke. Demons ain’t PG bitch. I talk to worse to people I love. Ok so eventually Hannibal gets possessed too, and he says some hurtful shit to the faithless priest and some girl that he hangs out with. The hurtful PG shit that Hannibal is throwing out them does hurts their feelings, but in the end good triumphs over PG evil. This movie is a boring piece of shit. I am more scared of walking to check my mail at night inside my own apartment complex than this piece of used ass. The possessed people in this movie are stupid and lame, and there is even some satanic pack mule with red eyes. HAHAHA Shut the fuck up!!!! I ain’t scare of no pack mule. Anyway this film is the bastardized/ hollwoodized version of the original “Exorcist” movie. This movie is silly trash and I hated it. So if you like movies that are PG, pointless, boring, weak ass, and NOT scary then this movie is for your wimpy ass. That’s right you are fuckin wimp if you like this movie. If you like this movie you do NOT like horror films, you like Strawberry Shortcake.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. A PG-13 demon is no demon at all. Demons are rated X. This shit was a fuckin joke. Here is the proof.

B. Possessed people in this movie spit up Jesus nails. Haha

C. Here is the priest (Colin O’Donoghue) who has no faith, but girls and gay guys want to sleep with.

D. Fuckin satanic pack mule.

E. I guess everyone in Rome is possessed.

F. I wish Anthony Hopkins had a work out tape called “Exorcising with Anthony Hopkins”

G. Let a fuckin demon try to hurt my feelings by bringing up my past. I will be like “Yeah Bitch I did that shit, and guess what I don’t care, now what you got demon bitch”. I aint scared of someone saying mean shit to me, I will laugh at you. OOOOOOOO you know a secret!!! So what demon bitch.

H. This movie should not have been made. If you want to see a cool spooky exorcist movie then rent “The Exorcist III“, this is written and directed by William Peter Blatty, who was the writer of the original “The Exorcist“. This shit is well acted, violent, creepy, scary and rated fuckin R. This one scene from “Exorcist 3” is scarier than the whole “RITE” movie.

I. Rutger Hauer is in this movie and his character was a waste of time.

J. The score sucked balls, big ass balls. It was done by Alex Heffes, he has done shit.

K. The director was Mikael Håfström and he has also done shit, a bunch of shit.

L. The poster is stupid.

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