“Rise of the Planet of the Apes” or “Don’t Piss Off Monkeys Cuz They Will Take Over The Fuckin Planet”- my fuckin review.

I just got back from a Midnight showing of “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” and here is the movie review bitch. Ok let me first start off by saying that I love all the old “Planet of the Apes” movies and I think they are fucking brilliant. I have owned the VHS tapes, the DVDs, and now I own the Blu Rays. So what I am trying to tell you is that I am one of those people who would be hard to please with these new fuckin monkey movies. OK so the movie starts off at the very beginning when monkeys (yes, I know they are apes, if you correct me I will laugh at you and call you a nerd)  are being kidnapped from the jungle and taken to James Franco so he can inject them with shit. The shit he is injecting them with is to help find a cure to Alzheimer’s, and will repair brains. There is this one chick monkey named Bright Eyes who gets super smart and has a baby monkey named Caesar. Later Caesar grows up and is smart as fuck cuz his mama was smart as fuck and he goes home to live with James Franco to become his son. Caesar eventually grows tired of being a slave to the humans and goes ape shit, then gets put into a monkey prison with other monkeys that are not smart at all. There, Caesar makes friends with this gorilla named Buck and this circus orangutan and they help him fight off Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton) who is their shitty prison guard. In the end they have huge battle scene in San Francisco and on the San Francisco bridge. This movie was very emotional and sad to me and I loved it. It made complete fucking sense to me and they also do a great job setting shit up throughout the film for a sequel. The motion capture CGI (this is where they film actors acting out the apes parts on set and their facial expressions so that shit looks more real) sold that shit and made me believe they were really standing there. They even set up how the apes will eventually take over and how mankind will bust its ass. That shit was brilliant and current. This film is a good example on how to take characters that are CGI and make them believable or at least entertaining. At one point in the film an ape gets hurt and I was like “MOTHER FUCKER!” So shit they had me sucked in. Well if you love monkeys, Planet of the Apes, James Franco, animals fighting back, monkey shit on your face, and the end of the word then this movie is for your ass. It was for me I loved it. I can’t wait for part 2!

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. This movie really was fun and entertaining to watch, and just so you know you can still love the original movie and like this one too. It doesn’t make you out to be some sort of fuckin traitor. I promise the Director and Producers of the original do not know you and they do not care if you live or die.

B. This movie made me sad and completely made sense to me. I can’t wait for a sequel.

C. This CGI monkey made me feel more emotions in this one movie, than Julia Roberts and  Sandra Bullock‘s entire fucking careers. Caesar rules and Andy Serkis, who plays Caesar.

D. There is a Gorilla called BUCK, and he don’t give a FUCK! HE WILL TOSS THAT ASS. Here he is shutting this whirly bird down.

E. They should have played “Shock the Monkey” by Peter Gabriel at the end of the movie.

F. James was good in this movie and was Caesar’s best friend and they were in love.

G. WARNING! DO NOT go and buy a monkey now, they want to be free and they will rip your fuckin face off to get outside. So would you, if you were locked up.

H. Patrick Doyle composed the score  to this film and I really dug it.

I. Monkey see, monkey do, monkey shit on my shoes.

J. Here is me and Matt monkeying out after the movie.

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K. I would date a Motion Capture Monkey now.

L. Here is my favorite monkey movie “Finger Bang Orangutang”.

M. Brian Cox plays a bad guy. Typecast!

N. Nothing beats the original film and if you have not seen it, you should check it out. It is still an incredible film with an incredible score.

O. I do like these posters.

5 thoughts on ““Rise of the Planet of the Apes” or “Don’t Piss Off Monkeys Cuz They Will Take Over The Fuckin Planet”- my fuckin review.

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