“Airport 1975” or “Flying Really Is Fucking Scary As Hell”- my fuckin review

I just watched the movie”Airport 1975” on Comcast on Demand for free bitch! It stars a shit load of mother fuckers from the year 1974. It is about this plane that looks like a Delta 747 but is not a Delta 747 that collides with a small ass plane. The small ass plane kills the pilots of the 747 and leaves a big ass hole in the cockpit so now all the passengers are up shit creek or up shit air. Haha COCKpit. Fuck you I needed a laugh.  Meanwhile onboard are nuns, sick little girls, old ass movie stars, female stewardesses (plane waitresses), and a shit load of drunks. The lead stewardess is Karen Black and she has taken control of the plane, but oh no it’s the 70’s so that means she is not a pilot and her boyfriend Charlton Heston is on the ground having to talk her ass down on a headset. When that doesn’t work they get a helicopter to drop a man in through the hole of the plane, but he gets killed. So then Charlton Heston says “Fuck it you mama’s boys send me in with no parachute” and he makes it in, because he is Charlton Heston. In the end Charlton lands the plane because in the 70’s I guess women couldn’t do it alone. In my version Karen Black would have stabbed Charlton when came aboard and she would have turned that fucking plane into the Hollywood Sign and said “This is for the all the oppressed 70’s women of America”. So if you like Charlton, disaster films, people screaming on a plane, nuns, planes landing, and if you think women can’t do anything without a man coming in to save the day then this movie is for you.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. There are so many fucking stars in this movie. Helen ReddyLinda BlairGeorge KennedySid CaesarJerry StillerErik EstradaStanley Roper from “Three’s Company”.

B. The first 30 minutes of this movie all the passengers are getting drunk on the flight. I am serious. It is like a fucking party on this plane. I guess back in 1975 it was drinks galore. There were even people walking around talking to each other and shit. Now nobody says shit and you have to stay in your fucking seat, or you will be shot by an Air Marshall.

C. That plane is flying by mountains the whole time. I was like um they are about to crash even when shit was normal.

D. Karen Black is still tough as nails.

E. The nuns literally sing a song in this movie on the plane. WHAT THE FUCK! Here is the song. HAHA

F. This kind of film is called a “DISASTER FILM”, I used to pretend I was in these situations as a child to prepare myself for this kind of shit one day.

G. The comedy “Airplane!” was based on this movie. It is awesome. Watch this shit it is funny as hell.

H. I have to take a nerve pill to fly in a plane, and here is why. The collision scene.

I. They should have parachutes on planes.

J. I hate how Charlton had to be flown into a moving fucking plane to save the day, because they thought an audience would not believe a girl couldn’t save the day. FUCK THAT!

L. Anyway I love people screaming on a plane with wind blowing.

M. I hope they remake this movie and Sarah Michelle Gellar has to land the plane this time, and she hangs up on her boyfriend who is trying to help her land the plane, but he is just annoying her.

N. If this was a Japanese film this would have been the ending and it would’ve been better.

O. Holy shit! Look at the poster! I love this.

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