“Final Destination 5” or “Don’t Fuck With Death’s Design or You Will Still Die Bitch”- my fuckin review

Just back from watching “Final Destination 5” with my friend Shannon Gray. We watched this movie in IMAX 3D for $17.50 a ticket and here is the fucking review. OK let me first start off by saying that this is a number 5 out of series of films, so if you are looking for a groundbreaking plot or story you are not going to find it here, but what you will find is a fun ass hell ride. I try to think of these films as “Roller Coaster” films (certain movies that are just there for the ride, you know, you get on a roller coaster and ride it and get off, you try not to look back and analyze the wood too much) and just ride the ride, and scream. That being said here we go, there are a new group of people (Some hot dudes, hot girls, and 2 assholes) who are getting on a bus for a work retreat, they head over this big ass bridge that is over water and under repairs. Now let’s just stop right fuckin here for a minute. I am deathly afraid of big ass bridges over water, when I go over them in real life I literally have a panic attack. So my ass is nervous watching this shit at this point. The bridge then starts to bust loose like big girls caboose and everyone starts dying horrible deaths on the bridge as it collapses, but this is just the main characters premonition. All the films start off with a big disaster in the beginning and then the main character will wake up after it and will be able to save a few of the other characters from their dooms. Now their story really begins, because they have now fucked with deaths design (fate) and you can not fuck with that shit, so death itself is after all of the people who the main dude has saved. Now like the “Friday the 13th” and the “Saw” films you are really in the audience at this point to clap and be horrified on how inventive each character can be killed off. I will not give any of them away here, but there is one in a gym with of the girls that you do not see coming at all. HAHA Amazing. This time they throw a little twist in the plot about if you take someone else’s life then you get their life so that you can live longer. I thought that was cool too. So yeah I dig all these movies including this one, they are fun, over the top, gory and are what they are. There were a couple of characters that were stupid and lame, but the deaths scenes are so fun to watch in 3D Haha. Anyway so this movie is as good as the first 2 films and I really enjoyed watching it. It was fun and entertaining, but don’t look for much else. They are not going to win any Academy Awards and nor do they care. If you want to ride a thrill ride, then ride this shit. P.S. I FUCKING LOVED THE ENDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gotta see it to find out, I am not telling you! I will buy this jam on Blu Ray when it comes out, and I will be twice as scared driving over bridges that are over water now.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Here is Nicholas D’Agosto helping someone off the bridge that is falling. Just so you know I would have stepped on her to get off that fucking bridge.

B. If you fuck with death’s design it will cause a wrinkle in reality and you will still die. This is from the movie. I love the their explanations of shit in these films.

C. They had a montage of all the films death scenes in 3D during the end credits. It was amazing. Here is a link to watch every single death from the first 4 films. http://www.screened.com/heres-what-you-missed-final-destination/128-739/#

D. This how I look on bridges. (Emma Bell)

E. The film’s opening credits is  literally all this shit flying at you,  then it hits glass and then the glass breaks and flies out at you in 3D, even a burned body. HAHA amazing. Shit there were even skulls.

F. Fuck laser surgery.

G. CRAZY  REAL SHIT: The bridge to the theatre that crosses over the highway fell apart and stopped traffic the night before we went to see this movie.  UMMMMM FINAL D! The bridge is called 17th street bridge. I am glad I didn’t go the night before because I use that bridge to got to the theater bitch! I WOULD HAVE BEEN RUNNING AND SCREAMING AND FUCKING WITH DEATHS DESIGN!

H.Brian Tyler composed the score. Here is a great track from it. Take a listen.

I. This movie looked and sounded great in IMAX 3D.

J. Tony Todd is back as Bludworth aka DEATH. I love Tony Todd cuz his ass was CANDY MAN. This man is my hero.

Here is a scene with him from the movie where he talks about the wrinkle in reality. Buy an iron bitch!

K. I hope the next one is about a boat and sharks.

L. I feel like these movies scare me more than monsters and shit, because it is about reality fucking your shit up.

M. I love this fucking poster.

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