“Beastly” or “You Sure Iz Ugly”- my fuckin review

Ok fuck you I just watched “Beastly“, maybe I needed to watch it to feel pretty. Maybe I was having a bad day. DON’T JUDGE ME! Anyway the movie starts off with this hot dude named Kyle (Alex Pettyfer) who is dating this hot girl name whatever cuz they broke up at the beginning. Hot Kyle is running for class president at this hot school, and his hot campaign it about being hot. He is sort of friends with hot Vanessa Hudgens too, but she hates him because he is a hot asshole. Hot Kyle wins class President which then pisses off the class witch who is supposed to be ugly, but is not. Yes, she is literally a witch with powers and played by Mary-Kate Olsen, and this Mary-Kate’s best role ever. UMMMM MARY-KATE IS A WITCH WITH POWERS WHICH IS THE BEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN! Now Mary Kate is pissed and puts a curse on hot Kyle, which turns his ass ugly for a year, but if he can find someone who will fall in love with him during that year and say “I love you” then he will turn hot again. You also find out why he is an asshole, it turns out his dad is an asshole and mean to him and doesn’t love him. His dad even rents a crib somewhere in the city to hide his now ugly ass son from the world, and has his maid and a blind Neil Patrick Harris take care of him. Later Vanessa Hudgens somehow moves in, but that part confused me, but she does not know he is the asshole Kyle. She thinks he is some ugly dude who is nice. In the end Kyle is not ugly on the inside and honestly just looks like a version of Hellraiser crossed with The Borg, which to some people is still hot. Will Borg Kyle turn into hot Kyle again? Will Vanessa see passed his ugly ass face and love him? Is Kyle’s penis all fucked up looking too? Did Neil Patrick Harris try to hit on Kyle too?  Should Mary-Kate have a witch movie spin-off? Watch this movie to find out! Ok oddly enough for some reason I was entertained. I liked how he lived with the maid and Neil. I liked the flow of the story and that his dad was an asshole. I guess it was predictable and cheesy, and this movie is not at all true. Humans don’t fall in love with monsters. Sorry tell me I am wrong. I wish I was wrong bitch. Anyway chicks will probably dig this, and dudes will want to wear the makeup ugly Kyle was wearing. Go fuck yourself I can watch chick flicks too you assholes.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Here is hot Kyle.

B. Here is Hellraiser Borg Kyle.

C. Here is ugly Vanessa Hudgens.

D. Mary-Kate as the coolest character ever.

E. I want to date a witch, but I would just end up with a bitch.

F. I wish hot Kyle would have looked like Rocky Dennis in this movie. Fall in love with Rocky you bitch!

G. Honestly did his penis have metal on it too. WHAT THE FUCK!

H. I guess everyone hopes this shit will happen to them, but they will probably just meet an asshole or someone who will beat on them. Ladies don’t date a creep that looks good. Date and ugly ass monster. Wait what is this film trying to say I am lost now.

I. I wish the ending would have been different, this one was a little too forced and Hollywood for my tastes.

J. I wish Mary -Kate would have had a dance number in this movie and a song like this one.

K. I wish they would have had a weird ass ugly sex scene, and his metal penis would have just leaked everywhere.

L. I also wish they would have both been ugly at the end.

M. This happened to me once….

Me: She sure is ugly.

Friend: She is pretty on the inside.

Me: Well then someone needs to flip her ass inside out.

M. HAHA Love is never ugly…. but you are!!!!!

3 thoughts on ““Beastly” or “You Sure Iz Ugly”- my fuckin review

  1. I am in love with Rocky Dennis, and also with Cher in that movie (even though she is a bitch sometimes). And I think it’s cool that you watched a chick flick. But what I really wanted to say is that a human DID fall in love with a monster in the Faerie Tale Theatre version of Beauty and The Beast. Klaus Kinsky plays the beast and Susan Sarandon falls deeply in love with him, eventually. When she kisses him and he turns back into regular old Klaus, she tells him that she misses his beast form and that it will take her a while to get used to him being a man. KIaus is not a very attractive man, and I agree that he was more charming and good-looking as a beast. So there you have it : )

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