“We Are The Night” or “We Are German Vampire Bitches” -my fuckin review

Ok I just watched “We Are the Night” (The German title is “Wir sind die Nacht”) and the version I was forced to watch on COMCAST was dubbed in English, I would suggest finding it with English subtitles and the original German dialogue . English dubbing always sounds like SHIT! OK the story starts of with these 3 hot vampire women. The main vampire lady is a lesbian named Louise and she has been looking for another hot chick to get with for years and years, but can’t find shit out their in Berlin. The 3 vampire ladies are rich, dress well, and throw German techno parties at night. Then this girl named Lena shows up who is on the run from this cop named Tom. He likes her even though he wants to arrest her. Louise sees her at one of her German techno parties and bites her ass (well her neck), and turns her into a vampire. Now like most humans they never embrace being turned into a vampire at first, so Louise and the other vampire girls take her to a pimp rape den so that Lena will be forced to fight for her life and be forced to feed. HAHA Germans. Lena is now a hot vampire Sex in the City girl and all 4 of them go on a shopping spree montage, and drive fast cars together while listening to German techno music and make out and shit. They even talk about eating what they want, drinking all night, and doing drugs because it will not matter. They will not get fat or addicted. Lena eventually finds out the bad news that there are NO MALE VAMPIRES on earth, and that there are only 100 female vampires, and that she is not a lesbian. OH SHIT! Now Lena is not so happy about all this vamp shit, she is not into vamp vagina. She is into Tom’s cop cock. In the end all hell breaks loose, because Tom likes her too. Lesbians seem to always get a bum deal in film. OK so I liked this movie, it was cool, could have been cooler though. I needed more cartwheels and shit like that. I liked how they handled the main vampire being a lesbian. Sometimes when American Directors add in topics like “Lesbian Vampires” you know where it is going to go, girls making out just so that guys can jerk off watching it. At least with a German Director (Dennis Gansel) it never felt disrespectful or trashcan. You felt sad for Louise and knew she was just lonely. If I had made it they would have been all lesbians and killed every guy they came in contact with, and still went shopping. Their goal would be to have an all lesbian vampire planet, with no straight girls or guys at all.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. I want to be a German vampire bitch! They are cool, they dress well, they drive fast cars, they throw cool parties, they look hot, and they don’t fuck around. Oh and they will eat you!

B. My only option was to watch a shitty English dubbed version, I would have rather watched the subtitled version. Look how amazing it sounds with the German dialogue intact.

C. I pray this happens to me one day.

D. I mean why is everyone sad about being a vampire, I will bite the fuck out of all of you if I am turned and love it.

E. I want a vampire cape to wear all day.

F. Here is the cop she was in love with.

G. They listened to German techno at their parties. Here is my favorite song.

H. At one point the main vampire girl said she wasn’t human anymore. I was like good for you trick.

I. I wish these German vampire girls would come to America in the sequel and eat the girls from “Sex in the City”. That would be funny, because I want to see them all eaten.

J. I feel that Berlin is cooler than America.

K. The soundtrack to this movie is pretty tight if you are clubbing in Berlin. I like this song and here is the music video.

L. This poster is serious. Haha

5 responses to ““We Are The Night” or “We Are German Vampire Bitches” -my fuckin review

  1. I watched the dubbed one aswell. It was not a bad movie. I so wish I would be one of them. Well I am going to a club called final destination in the halloween weekend so maybe I will be able to spot a vampire in Frankfurt, Germany 😉

    But the end of the movie sucked? We still don’t know how it all ends between Lena and Tom? Will he be one of them or not?

  2. This film is fantastic, it had non-ridiculous morals, Lena was a well-meaning broad who showed true sympathy to the vampires’ victims and was never hypocritical and I rooted for her during the final fight and thankfully she won and the vampires and Lena kick ass because they rule so I’m right about Lena and we felt sad for all the characters including Lena herself because she was the best of the four because she was more noble and moral than the vampires but the vampires had their moments but this film rules.

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