“Dear God No!” or “Dear God Tits!”- my fuckin review

I got a chance to see the new film “Dear God No!” Friday night at the Plaza Theatre. It was a sold out show and the line was out the door and it was packed. OK so the movie starts off with this biker gang who are all drunk, horny and pissed off. They just got done raping some nuns and now they are on their way to a strip club to get their drink on some more and look at tits. Makes sense so far. While at the bar they ask the female bartender what the nastiest drink is and she says “You can drink my tampon”. They did drink it and that what was amazing and yes it was nasty. Then they barely get away when topless go-go dancers wearing Richard Nixon masks try to shoot them with machine guns. Meanwhile there is this crazy ass doctor and his nerdy daughter living close by who are doing some weird ass experiments on bigfoot and shit. The Doctor and nerdy girl decide to have  a dinner party with some dude name Todd and a pregnant girl while the biker gang is killing and raping their way to the party. They eventually end up all together in a big ass rape dinner scene without condoms. In the end they tangle with bigfoot and the nerdy girls drunk horny mother. This movie is a fun ride and not for the faint of heart (Haha I have always wanted to say that “Not for the faint of heart”), and not for the kids. Well I would take my kids to see it if I had some, but whatever. If you are normal human you might be offended by some of the stuff in this movie like the rapes, boobs and such, but this film is clearly a throw back to 70’s exploitation films and if you get offended watching it then you don’t get the joke. The platform the movie is presented in is nuts, comical, and over the top so that is the way I took it. If you take it too seriously and walk out offended or pissed off, then you iz a bitch.Plus I have not been truly offended since they cancelled “The Golden Girls”, so I was OK watching it. Hell, honestly I expected it to be more violent like male rape too, but there was none of that. As Michael Keaton said in Batman “You wanna get nuts? Come on, let’s get nuts”. Agreed.  So if you love tits, nazis, bigfoot, boobs, pregnant girl rape, shootings, hooters, go-go dancing, ta-ta’s, motorcycles, drugs, nuns, blood, gore, and NO dicks then this movie is for you.  So yes I obviously liked it Hahaha. I say go see this movie and laugh and wish you were bigfoot or a set of tits.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Don’t fuck with a biker gang or they will rape this shit out of you.

B. Here is a pic of me and one of the bikers Shane Morton. He said my favorite line which was “Stop acting like a Todd, Todd.” In the movie they hate the name “Todd”, oddly enough it is a name I love and use all the time in shit Haha. I love that they hate it though. He should have a spin off where he only goes around killing people named Todd.

C. I wish the nerdy girl would have made out with bigfoot at the end of the movie.

D. The main biker Jett Bryant was cool and if my daughter had to be raped I hope he would be the one to do it.

E. Here are some props and shit from the movie.

F. I heard rumors of this film having a baby rape scene, but it was not in there. I know this is a fucked up thing, but bad guys do bad things. You promised me a baby rape and there was no baby rape. I do not want to see a baby rape, but  if you are promised baby rape and don’t get it. Welllllllllllllllllll…….. HAHA Nik Morgan you are also my hero.

G. I hope the sequel is about the topless go-go dancers and bigfoot going around killing everyone. This could be a whole movie.

H. Here is the pregnant girl who was raped. She did a really good job getting raped.

I.  A nun was pre-raped in this movie, meaning you do not see it. I filmed a nun once that was kicking a baby up into the air named Jonbenet, while she was getting attacked by spiders. I wish it was a bus load of nuns.

J. Here is the nerdy daughter played by Madeline Brumby. Yes, you see her boobs and yes they see YOU!!!!!!!

K. The feel good movie of the fall.

L. I wonder why bigfoot doesn’t wear clothes and a top hat.

M. Go see this movie if you want a fun ride on pair of melons. I heard there were 31 boobs in this movie.

N. Now the Golden Girls going around raping and killing people. There’s your fucking story!!

O. The poster is amazing.

2 thoughts on ““Dear God No!” or “Dear God Tits!”- my fuckin review

  1. You are so funny. I think you should check out Straw Dogs and review it – it seems right up your alley. I don’t want to spoil the fun, but let’s just say there are annoying triangle boobs and probably the best death in a movie ever. Also chess masturbation…yeah, you heard me right. CheckMATE.

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