“The Immortals” or “Gay Gods Wearing Gold”- my fuckin review

I just watch the new movie “Immortals” with Max Fisher and here is mine and Max’s review (Max’s review is on line “N”). Ok so the movie starts off with some evil dudes locked up in a box called “Remember the Titans”. Then some narration about gods, wars and cities and shit. I have no idea what is going on already. Then there are these group of assholes led by Mickey Rourke, who looks like shit and is after some magical bow and arrow. He is on the way to a village where a slave  named  Theseus and his whore mother live. Theseus wears a lot of hip hugging Capri pants and no shirt. Later they are invaded by Mickey Rourke and he is really mean. Then these 4 oracles show up that look like the SPICE GIRLS but the B.C. version, but they are all ugly as hell except for one of them. They know some future shit. The one hot oracle finally hooks up with Theseus and his new best friend Stephen Dorff, who is also shirtless and wearing hip hugging Capri pants. Now it’s time to go after Mickey Rourke. I think? Later all these homoerotic gods show up, like Zeus and Poseidon and one hot lesbian god. Yes, oddly enough there are only 2 “attractive” girls in the movie, and a shit load of dudes that looked they all just walked out of gay club with their shirts off. I am talking GO-GO BOYS (look it up). Anyway I still have no idea what is going on in the movie story wise. The gay gods show up to help fight in some big battle sequence and let me tell you one thing. DO NOT PISS OFF GAY GODS WEARING GOLD or they will have your ass. Haha Anyway more shit happens and I am lost. Ok so I didn’t hate this movie, and there were actual real live sets in this movie and they were cool looking. The costumes were amazing and completely over the top, which I dug. The dialogue was weird and forced at times, but the fight scenes were nice to watch I guess, but we have seen all that shit before. So if you like Gay Gods Wearing Gold,  hip hugging Capri pants, 2 women who are attractive, fight scenes, one girls bare ass, Mickey Rourke playing the same bad guy character again, and no comprehensible story then this movie is for you. I thought the Gay Gods Wearing Gold were the coolest parts. This movie really is a like a bad date, yeah the guys and gals are good-looking and dress pretty but after you bang them don’t expect a good conversation. They really have nothing to say.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. The Director is Tarsem Singh, who directed “The Cell” and “The Fall“. Which are visually nuts and “The Fall” is worth the watch.

B. Here is the scene where the Gay Gods Wearing Gold go ape shit and kill everything.

http://screenrant.com/immortals-red-band-clips-gods-titans-sandy-139317/

C. One of the 2 pretty girls in this film.

D. Henry Cavill, who plays Theseus, is playing Superman in the new Superman “Man of Steel” movie coming out soon. Notice his Capri pants.

E. John Hurt is in this movie. He is awesome.

F. Gay God Poseidon.

G. I mean honestly I feel like this timeframe was just a big fucking Bisexual orgy!

H.Stephen Dorff and his hip hugging Capri pants.

I. Haha covered in mud. This movie really is homoerotic.

J. HAHA Mickey Rourke is high fashion.

K. If you are a Woman, Gay, Bisexual, or are a straight guy who jerks off to gay porn in secret then you should go see this movie. Lesbians and homophob’s skip it. You will be bored out of your minds. Look at this shot in the movie. See what I mean. Haha

L. Hahaha this is an actually shot if the movie.  Hahaha

M. The is the last shot of the movie, when the gods go back to the club called “Heaven”.

N. SURPRISE TWIST:     Max Fisher has written his thoughts on the movie as well. here is his review.

The Immortals is probably best described as a very very very very pretty mess. It would have been awesome if there was no dialogue and I could just enjoy the visuals– besides the story was completely pointless and actually made no sense. At first I thought this was just 300 2 (301?), and I hated 300 1 (300.) So I wrote it off. But then I found out it was directed by Tarsem (who made The Fall, which I love) so I became interested. He’s a true ‘visionary’ unlike, let’s say, Zack Snyder, so his beautiful and sometimes awe-inspiring aesthetic definitely shows, but “The producers of 300” clearly wanted it to just be another spartan sausagefest. Sadly, about halfway through Immortals devolves into an endless cliché battle scene complete with a rousing speech that frat boys can recite at rush week. But, overall, I didn’t hate it because it was occasionally amazing to look at.

-This was the best shot in the movie. So, I guess I just saved you 15 bucks. You’re welcome.

Freida Pinto was an oracle in this movie and she had a posse of 3 other ugly chicks. One of them should’ve been the little girl from The Fall. Just sayin.

-Plus, the 3D wasn’t even half bad– Bonus! I mean, if you actually liked 300 than this movie is definitely for you, but my advice would be to just stay home and rent The Fall. It’s way better. Did I mention I like The Fall?

O. Another Gay God in poster.

6 thoughts on ““The Immortals” or “Gay Gods Wearing Gold”- my fuckin review

  1. “The Fall” is one of my faaaavorite movies. So much so that I’ll probably even see that Snow White mess he’s got coming out.

  2. u surely r a secret fag i cant find any better reason for that..!! btw ur frequently “haha” shit gave you away and its way more gay than the movie u little happy sissy..!!

  3. Agree completely, horrible movie and the gods were so gay….well they did kick the asses of the Titans in a pretty rockin’ way but besides that…horrible shot

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