“Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” or “You Got Disavowed Bitch”- my fucking review

I watched “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” with Max Fisher on the IMAX and here is my movie review bitch. Let me start off by saying I love spy movies even not so good ones. OK so the movie starts off with Tom Cruise being broken out of a Russian prison by other team members. He then gets a new mission to bust into the Kremlin to get something. I can’t remember what the fuck it was, but it was something important. So he and Simon Pegg, who is now a field agent and is constant comic relief (this is not a good thing), break into the Kremlin and get double crossed, then the Kremlin explodes. Tom runs away from it as it blows up behind him. When he awakens he finds out he is blamed for the big pop off, and is told the U.S and Russia hates him now. HE IS NOW DISAVOWED!  So he goes on his on Mission Impossible with his team and Jeremy Renner. So they go around the world and shit trying to stop the bad guy, who is the most boring villain ever, from starting a nuclear war between the U.S. and Russia. In case you didn’t know the Russians were Americans enemies back in the 1980’s, so I guess that was the point of the film. Think “Rocky IV“. I happen to love Russia. There are a lot of fight scenes, actions scenes and  Tom Cruise runs from a sand storm. Ok I did like this movie and I was entertained by it, seeing it in IMAX made it bigger and louder so that was cool. I didn’t love it though, and will not buy it on Blu Ray when it comes out. It really focuses on Tom Cruise’s character the most (he produced, you figure it out) and his team was kind of boring to me. Also Ving Rhames was only in it for a minute. They fucked up. I loved him in these movies, and he made shit more memorable and fun. Paula Patton was just OK and she has weird feet during a fight scene where she is barefooted. J.J. Abrams directed the last one, and it was a better film structurally and had a villain in it that was more memorable (I own that film). This films villain is lame as shit, and him fighting Tom Cruise is not believable because he is old and busted. So if you love spy movies, Tom Cruise, being disavowed, you don’t know what ghost protocol means, and are into Russia then this movie is for you. It was entertaining and fun for a one time watch, but you ain’t going to be living it.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Brad Bird directed this film. He also did The Iron GiantThe IncrediblesRatatouille.

B. Tom Cruise thinks he is pretty and he needs to get passed it. Here he is running from a sandstorm. Run mother fucker! RUN!

C. I wish the team would have been cooler. It was too much comic relief, and not enough getting to know the team.

D. Mission: Impossible III was the best one out of the 4.

E. Once again the Eminem “8 Mile” look is big in 2011. Here is Tom going off to a rap battle.

F. Here is the new theme for Mission Impossible 4, the score was composed by

Michael Giacchino and was good, but not as good as his work on part 3.

Nothing beats the original jam by Lalo Schifrin. Listen to that shit here.

G. Josh Holloway from “Lost”  was in it for a minute, but he should have been in it longer.

H. In the film they drove a TRON car.

I. At one point Paula had to seduce some dude to get some codes, I thought it would have been funny if the guy she was seducing ended up being gay and Tom had to go in there to seduce him. I mean if you are a spy you may have to seduce men and women.

J. Paula keep those legs closed at the premiere, and for god sakes keep your shoes on.

K. The most boring and forgettable villain of the year is played by Michael Nyqvist. Yep, he was fist fighting Tom Cruise. Even I know Tom would have whipped this dudes ass, but somehow this bitch was doing Mortal Kombat moves on his ass. Give me a break!

L. The poster should have said “No plan. No backup. No Shoes. No service”.

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