“Chronicle” or “Please Let This Shit To Happen To Me”- my fuckin review

I was able to see “Chronicle” early, a movie that I have been excited about seeing for a while now and here is my review. OK the film starts with this teenage dude named Andrew (Dane DeHaan) and his new video camera (that’s right, it’s filmed all hand-held documentary style, don’t worry they keep they camera steady). Andrew wants to document his life at school and at home which sucks ass. He is beat on, picked on and bullied. He has one friend in the world, who is his cousin named Matt (Alex Russell). Matt is like the cooler guy in school and has friends and shit. Later Matt convinces Andrew to go to some kind of warehouse barn party out in the middle of nowhere, and they eventually run into class President Steve (Michael B. Jordan). Steve and Matt have found some weird ass hole in the ground way out in the woods that they want to explore and force Andrew to go so that he can film it. I won’t tell you what’s in the hole, you gotta stick it in to find out or go watch the movie. Haha Anyway the hole gives all three of them telekinetic powers (Ya know, they can move shit with their minds). They all three become better friends because of their new-found abilities, and learn how to use their powers better. Shit gets crazy when Andrew hurts someone by using his powers and the downward spiral (just like the Nine Inch Nails album) begins. I don’t want to give too much away, but in the end the shit hits the fan and cars and shit are flying everywhere in the city. It’s a cool ass fight scene that reminded me of  a scene from “Superman II“. Ok I really dug this movie a lot. I was worried it was going to be generic and emotionless but it was neither. The film had a lot more emotion than I thought it was going to have,  and I was really happy about that. What drives the characters really made sense to me and why they were doing the things they chose to do. I feel like if teenage boys got superpowers this how the shit would pop off. That shit was sad and real to mean and all the actors did a great job making me believe what I was seeing was really happening. So if you love super powers, cool ass super hero type action scenes, 3 dudes tossing shit off… roofs, throwing people through buildings and flying then this movie is for you. I thought it was pretty fuckin entertaining. I want to see it again in the theatre and I will buy it when it comes out Blu Ray. Anyway go check it out.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Don’t let me have these powers or I will be like Andrew in 2 seconds and you will see my ass flying around and leveling buildings and shit you bitch.

B. Ba- Bling Ba-Bling.

C. I really feel like this film is what a lot of people wish for to happen to them as a kid. OK I still wish.

D. Andrew’s character made a lot of sense to me, and you really side with him a lot.  If you beat on your kids and they get super powers they will probably throw you against a wall. You BITCH!

E. OH SHIT!!!!! What’s in that cave?

F. My Hero.

G. They came up with some cool ways to film themselves in this movie. I wont give it away.

H. I am glad Andrew and Matt were cousins and not forced friends.

I. I am scared of heights. Even if I could fly it would be close to the ground haha.

J. I never got bored in this entire film and it really just kept moving along the whole time.

K. Max Landis wrote the screenplay to this movie. Yes, this is John Landis‘s kid. But he is all good just like his mother fucking daddy.

L. The character Matt’s favorite song is Jessie J. “Price Tag”. Haha

M. This was Director Josh Trank‘s first feature length movie. Go Josh!

N. They played David Bowie in one scene and I was happy about that shit too. ZIGGY STARDUST bitch!!!!!

O. I love this weird ass poster. When I saw it I said ,”True”.

7 thoughts on ““Chronicle” or “Please Let This Shit To Happen To Me”- my fuckin review

  1. Cool review here Eddie Ray. This really isn’t the type of movie that would normally be in my wheel house, but I admit it appealed to me they way you mentioned;
    if I were a kid I’d be day dreaming about shit like this.
    So, between that, your review, and Bowie, I’m psyched to check it out.
    Hey, have you ever seen Zapped? A teenage Scot Baio get’s telekinetic powers and uses them to check out titties.

  2. ” Don’t let me have these powers or I will be like Andrew in 2 seconds and you will see my ass flying around and leveling buildings and shit you bitch.”

    ^ I laughed my ass off when i first read that

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