“The Woman in Black” or “The Bitch in Black”- my fuckin review

I just watched “The Woman in Black” with mom, who screamed the whole time. OK so the film starts off with 3 little girls jumping out a window. Then Harry Potter shows up and he is older now and does not have any magic powers. He does however have a son and a dead wife. Harry leaves his son and travels by the Hogwarts Express to get to this small village to find some paperwork left behind by another dead chick in a big ass haunted mansion. The townsfolk are scared and sketchy and want his ass to leave, but Harry is an Attorney and has to close out this house for resale. He decides to stay in this big ass spook house over night. This is a period piece horror film, so that means no Telephones or cell phones bitch. His ass would have to write a fucking letter to get help from anyone and that would take weeks. Now he is in the haunted house and shit starts to pop off. Ghosts and noises all over the god damn place. He starts seeing the woman in black (A ghost chick in black evening wear) all over the place and she is scary. Later he finds out the women in black is after all the kids in the village, and she is also a mega BITCH! She is not misunderstood, she is just a fuckin bitch. Harry tries to solve the mystery of what happened to her and why she is killing kids before his own kid comes for a visit. Ok so I did like this film, and Daniel Radcliffe did a good job in it because he is not forcing it or overacting in the film.  Daniel did a whole lot of walking around with candles and that shit got old though. The score was by one of my favorite composers but this one was not very memorable to me. I loved the setting and it really did feel like you were watching an old school (pre 70’s old school) horror movie, it was quiet and never over the top. If you are looking for non stop excitement and constant scares then this movie is NOT it. If you are looking for a straight up ghost story, that is quiet, dark and mysterious then this is the movie for you. So if you like Daniel Radcliffe, haunted mansions, ghost kids, ghost bitches in black, fog, graves, candles, and mysteries then this shit is for you. I enjoyed it, but I don’t feel the need to re-watch this movie again. It is one time show on a dark and windy night. Also safe for the kiddies take em.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Daniel Radcliffe was pretty good in this movie because he was quiet and not forced.

B. I don’t fuck with ghosts wearing black evening wear.

C. I hope when I die I haunt the shit out of a place.

D. The score was done by Marco Beltrami. I do love Marco and this score was just OK for me. Not his most memorable work for sure.

E. I would love to live or stay in a haunted mansion.

F. OH SHIT GHOST KIDS!

G. If you were hearing impaired and blind how would you know a place was haunted?

H. I wish they played AC/DC’s “Back in Black” in the end credits.

I. Don’t bring your kid to a village where kids are dying from a ghost bitch in black.

J. I wish Miss Piggy was the Bitch in Black.

K. I am too lazy to solve a mystery that involves digging up bodies. I would be like fuck this let’s burn their fuckin crib down. Haunt the ashes of your house bitch.

L. I just kept saying “What a bitch!”.

M. AHHHHHHH no eyes, or what I used to do to people in my yearbook in Middle School that I hated.

3 responses to ““The Woman in Black” or “The Bitch in Black”- my fuckin review

  1. i started to watch it but then the shit froze up on me…but from what i seen the picture looks good and the setting….eh..whatever…i’ll try again on another bored sunday night…nice review

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