“V/H/S” or “Be Careful What You Film, Cuz It Could Eat That Ass” – my fuckin review

Just got to watch the new movie “V/H/S” at the Atlanta Film Festival and here is my review. Let me start off by saying I have been waiting to see this jam for a while now, so I was extremely excited to see it. Yes, I love horror films and the fact the Director Ti West was involved made me even more excited. He is one of 6 Directors (David BrucknerGlenn McQuaidRadio SilenceJoe SwanbergAdam Wingard, and Ti West) that worked on this film. That’s right horror kids!! This is a found footage horror anthology! I know some of you are sick of the whole “found footage” movie shit, but this one takes a whole new fun approach to it all. Check this shit out, it starts off with you watching a found footage video about these fucked up whites dudes, who go around smashing shit and filming girls boo-bays. Then they are hired to break into this old mans house to find an old VHS tape. While in the creepy ass house they start watching videotapes in the hopes that they will find the right one. Now here is the fun part, each VHS tape they watch has a different scary ass found footage story on it. There are 5 different stories total, from the 5 different directors. I love this idea. Ok so the first videotape takes place in Atlanta, Georgia and the story is about these 3 frat guys who want to film their night of partying, sex and dehumanizing some girls. Then the shit hits the fan when they realize some girls can never be deHUMANized. Atlanta is number 1 in horror and Halloween fun bitch! The second tape is about a married couple driving across country on a road trip. Then a female stranger knocks at the door of the hotel one night and the scares begin. The third tape is about this nutty ass girl who lures her friends into the woods and a digital demon killer shows up to kill them. The fourth tape is about a couple talking to each other on a webcam and ghosts starting popping off behind one of them. I loved this idea because it was fun and the though of it scared the shit out of me. The last VHS tape takes place Halloween night and the guy with camera is dressed up as a teddy bear nanny cam. AMAZING!  He and his friends drive out to this big house for Halloween party, but when they get there is no party and the house is haunted. THEN ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE! This last one was a lot of fun to watch. OK I really enjoyed watching this movie and it really had some cool scares in it. I love how inventive the stories were, except for the third tape about the digital demon killer, that one just seemed way too forced and over acted. Overall I really loved how they came up with new ways to film a “found footage” film. It’s the perfect movie to watch on a dark and spooky ass night, and the darker the better so that nobody will notice that you shit your pants. So if you love shaky cameras, demon bitches, bloody frat dudes, haunted houses, webcams, being scared, tits and yes, even dicks then this movie is for you. I can’t wait to take other friends to see it again when it hits theaters in October. This movie comes out ON DEMAND in August, and it will be theaters in October.

The Trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uOISibzrUI&list=UUneoi6WTgRjMh4otvpwzv8w

The Facts:

A. If a girl acts and looks creepy, chances are that bitch is probably a demon or on her diet pill.

B. These masks scare me, but I would probably make out with it.

C. Webcams are for online sex not for seeing fuckin ghost children run around.

D. I really love the way Ti West directs and how violent his shit gets at the end of his VHS tape.

E. VHS stands for “Vertical Helical Scan”, not “Video Home System”. What the fuck!

F. Stay out of attics and basements. Those are fucking death traps bitch!

G. Real haunted houses will probably fuck you up on a Halloween night.

H. Here is a picture of Matt Gallo, Hannah Fierman (Demon bitch from the first VHS Tape) and me at the Atlanta Film Festival.

I. Atlanta loves horror and Halloween. That shit is a fact!

J. I am sure this movie will do really well, so there will be no end to found footage films. HAHA Here are 2 that I made for fun.

“FORBIDDEN CITY”

“THE BLUE RIDGE MOUNTAIN MASSACRE”

K. Here I am with Drew Sawyer. He was the main guy from the first VHS tape with the glasses that were a camera.

L. There are boobs and dicks in this movie. You gotta keep it even.

M. The special effects on the first VHS tape were bloody as hell and amazing by Blake Myers.

N. Here are what the other directors have made.

David Bruckner– “The Signal

Glenn McQuaid– “I Sell the Dead

Radio Silence– The first time, but it was an amazing first time.

Joe Swanberg–  “Silver Bullets

Adam Wingard– “A Horrible Way to Die

Ti West– “The House of the Devil” and  “The Innkeepers

O. Part of this review was also in the July issue of Juxtapoz magazine http://www.juxtapoz.com/. Here is a scan of the page from the magazine.

P. THIS FUCKIN POSTER IS BRILLIANT!

One response to ““V/H/S” or “Be Careful What You Film, Cuz It Could Eat That Ass” – my fuckin review

  1. Sounds like my kind of jam, I hope it comes to my town and plays in the indie theater that used to be a funeral parlor.

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