“The Avengers” or “Superhero Gang Bang”- my fuckin review

Here is my new movie review for “The Avengers“, I hope you enjoy that shit. Ok so we start off where “Iron Man“, “Iron Man 2“, ”Thor“, “The Incredible Hulk“, and “Captain America: The First Avenger” left off. Which for the life of me I could not remember at all. Anyway there are these space aliens/demons talking to the big bad guy of this story, Loki. He wants to destroy the earth with some kind of blue glowing rubix cube. The space scenes reminded me of  the “Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers”, which I was okay with. Then Gwyneth Paltrow shows up in Iron Mans crib looking like Daisy Dukes from “The Dukes of Hazzard” with no shoes on. She looked like a fuckin trash can. Put some shoes on Gwyneth P. fuck! Now Loki is on the loose, like weird horned caboose, and Samuel L. Jackson calls in The Avengers to party, but they don’t get along at all. They are like “fuck you” and “fuck that”, but in a PG way. Eventually shit pops off and they start getting along and have to fight Loki and the bad guys from the Power Rangers. In the end heroes rises and bad guys asses fall. Stay through the credits for 2 extra scenes. OK so I did like this movie a lot. At first I thought I hated all the character developement, but then it got into the fight scenes and I realized that the film needed all the development so that we cared about them when they got hurt and shit. The director Joss Whedon did a great job balancing all these fucking characters and you never felt like they focused on one more than the other. I even got sad in one scene. Fuck you, I didn’t cry bitch! The action scenes were fun and exciting to watch and I dug that shit. There were a few hokey moments in it, but I mean fuck there is a dude running around named Thor who is a god. So I guess you gotta get passed that, because the film is hokey before we even walked in. Anyway if you are looking for a superhero movie that made sense with great character development, interesting dialogue and amazing fight scenes then this go see this mega jam. The only thing missing was a superhero orgy. Go see this cut in the theatre for sure, cuz the bigger the better will always get the gay guys and ladies wetter. I would see this movie again for sure.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Nobody makes out  or has sex in this movie.

B. There were a lot of Whedon-esque moments in this movie.

C. The score was a little generic, and it was composed by Alan Silvestri, who I love.

D. I like the THE HULK the most. I get his shit, but I wish they would have shown his green ass though. I would definitely go see a movie about the Hulk starring Mark Ruffalo now.

E. This film is now the biggest opening weekend movie ever. I guess that means they will be making “Thor 2”, “Iron Man 3”, “Captain America 2”, “Hulk 2”, and another “Avengers” movie. Get ready for a bunch of shitty movies to come out that will be nowhere near as cohesive as this one.

F. Joss Whedon you make me happy.

G. I understand Agent Phil Coulson the most. I have liked his character in all these fucking movies.

H. They really focused on Captain America’s (Chris Evans) ass a lot in this movie, and by ass I mean his ass literally. If you click on this pic you will see his ass jiggle.

I. Scarlett Johansson flipped her hair back a lot.

J. I am a DC kid. I wish it would have been a Justice League movie.

K. Ivan Ooze from the Power Rangers shows up at the end. I wish Rita Repulsa would have shown up too.

L. Check this movie out for sure it is a fun watch.

M. This should have been The Avengers theme song. Roxette’s “Dangerous”.

N. Robert Downey Jr. is a smart ass, and Stan Lee plays and old man in this movie.

O. I can’t take this bad guy seriously.

P. This poster looks like a cluster fuck.

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