“Stake Land” or “Vampire Apocalypse”- my fuckin review

I watched “Stake Land” last night and here is the mother fuckin review. OK so the movie starts off and the shit has already hit the fan. The apocalypse has popped off but this time it isn’t zombies, it’s VAMPIRES! The disease that has infected the planet has turned people into these blood sucking zombie looking vampire things. So now the world is an apocalyptic shit hole like in the movie “The Road“. Now this dude called Mister and this kid he saved from vampires named Martin live in this new world shit pit. Mister has trained Martin on how to survive in a world full of blood sucking assholes. Along the way they run into vamps, Kelly McGillis, religious creeps, and Danielle Harris. They are all trying to find food, survive the night and make their way to Canada for some reason. Ok I liked this movie, it was interested to see vampires in this setting and not zombies and I liked the characters and their fucked up journey. The Vampires didn’t fly or anything kooky, they just had teeth and were hungry and ape shit so that was cool. I really enjoy stories about the apocalypse and this one was quiet at times and I dug that. So if you love apocalyptic themes, vampires, Danielle Harris, and The Road then you will enjoy watching this jam. This is not your typical vampire story so if you are look for vampires to love you or fly or some shit, then your are ass is out of luck. It was not amazing but interesting and fun to watch.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Stake Land could also be a restaurant called Steak Land.

B. Vampires run fast and bite hard.

C. If you are pregnant during the apocalypse then you are fucked.

D. Connor Paolo did a good job as Martin. Not to scared, not to brave. Just trying to stay alive in a fucked world. He is also on the TV show “Revenge” as Declan Porter.

Here he is as Declan Porter.

E. They should have played this song in the movie somewhere. The Bee Gee’s “Night Fever”.

F. I love Danielle Harris, She is horror gold and was in “Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers“, “Halloween 5 , “Urban Legend“, “Halloween“, and “Halloween II“.

G. Crosses didn’t work.

H. Vampires are hard to kill.

I. You can’t have friends in the apocalypse.

J. I would have been afraid Mister was going to rape me if I was Martin. Rape is a big thing in the apocalypse.

K.. This poster is weird.

One response to ““Stake Land” or “Vampire Apocalypse”- my fuckin review

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