“Resident Evil: Retribution” or “Resident Evil: Regurgitation” -my fuckin review

Here is my review “Resident Evil: Retribution” I hope you dig that shit. Okay so we are now on number 5 of the Resident Evil films (Resident Evil, Resident Evil: ApocalypseResident Evil: ExtinctionResident Evil: Afterlife), so what do you expect? Movie fuckin gold! Get real! The movie starts off from where the last one left off, with Alice (Milla Jovovich) falling off a big ass boat fighting the Umbrella people. Then Alice tells us that she is in fact ALICE and walks us through the last 4 movies, just in case we forget. We did. This time though she is trapped underneath the ocean in an Umbrella complex with some sort of fake training cities/countries. You know, like one is Tokyo, one is Russia, and one is an American suburbia. This time she also has a hearing impaired daughter (not really, they are all clones or some shit), and yes, Alice knows sign language now. There is a bad chick named Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory) that is out to get her and she is the worst actress of the year, but don’t fear another chick who couldn’t act shows up named Ada Wong to help Alice. Now it’s cart-wheel time. In all of these movies everyone can do MATRIX moves and fly all over the place while they fight zombies. There is some other team of dudes that show up to try to help rescue Alice and her fake daughter, but they really just get in the way. In they way of all those cart-wheels bitch! Then Michelle Rodriguez shows up as a good guy and bad guy (2 clones) and Alice fights one of her and hugs the other one. Next a giant mutant zombie dog kidnaps the hearing impaired girl and takes her back into the complex and Alice has to go back in to rescue her. Think the plot of the movie “Aliens“. In the end, the world is still a shit hole, remember part 2 was called “Apocalypse”,  and there are millions of zombies and flying zombie dragons everywhere. Okay this movie is a mess, Milla is really the only good thing about it with her silly cart-wheeling ass. All the actors are wooden and the dialogue is horrible and pointless. I do have fun watching all the cart-wheels popping off over zombies heads though. I don’t play the video games, and I’m guessing you will need to so that you understand who is who in the film. Hell, I wish Milla was literally fighting zombies in slow motion the entire film. That would be hilarious. It was rated “R” but nobody cursed in it. Ummmmm if there are zombies after you, I promise you will be cursing your fuckin ass off. Also if I could do cart-wheels like that I would be doing them from the bed to the bathroom, or at the grocery store getting those cheez-its bitch. Okay this is a one time watch for me, and I will not see it again. So if you love Milla, the Resident Evil games, Asian zombies, cart-wheels, horrible dialogue, bad acting, and tight outfits on chicks then this movie is for you. I laughed a lot watching it and just rode the zombie ride.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Paul W.S. Anderson worked on all 5 Resident movies as Director or Producer. He also directed the “Mortal Kombat” movie.

B. Where do they fucking shop at? I guess the  Hot Topic Matrix store.

D. Watch this scene to see the bad acting and bad dialogue but amazing cart-wheels.

E. She was the worst, but I want her spider necklace.

F. Lines they should have said in the movie.

“Fuck you zombie bitch”.

“Kiss my titties you zombie dickhead”.

“AHHHH fuckin zombies”.

“Jill Valentine you are a bitch and now I am going to kill you”.

“Ada Wong get that fuckin wig off”.

“Eat more flesh bitch”.

“Why the fuck am I in Tokyo again”.

“I’m about to fuck my clone, Bitch”.

G. Every time they had a fight scene Milla would come out of it posing after she killed everyone. See below. I guess I would too.

H. “I am actress Milla Jovovich”.

I. Milla can fly and do cartwheels.

J. They will never bet this Umbrella shit.

K. Michelle Rodriguez pissed again.

L. Hahaha this poster.

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