“Lincoln” or “A U.S. History Lesson With Ever Star In Hollywood”- my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Lincoln“. Let me first start off by saying that I was excited to see this movie, and I think movies about historical events are important so that people who didn’t pay attention in History class may learn some shit. Okay that being said here we go. So this cat named Lincoln was the President in America during the civil war in 1865. Lincoln wanted to pass an amendment that will forever ban slavery in America, but he has to get that shit passed before peace comes or it will not pass. He is torn between an early peace that would save thousands of lives or the freedom of America’s entire population. Now while all this is going down his wife Sally Field is crazy and a bitch. Then literally everyone in Hollywood shows up for bit parts and Tommy Lee Jones has a wig on. In the end slavery is a done deal, and Lincoln is shot, but they don’t show him getting shot. Instead they show one of his kids crying at another theatre watching “Finding Nemo” or some shit. This all took 2 and half hours to tell us. I almost went into a coma watching it because it was so boring. Yes, it was boring! fuck you! I felt no emotional attachment to any character in this film. Yes, Daniel Day-Lewis does a good job playing Lincoln, but I felt nothing for his character as he rambled on with random boring ass stories. In real life I bet people were like “shut up and run the country bitch”. Every other character was pointless and back seated. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Lincoln son, and I think he is one of the better actors of today, but honestly he was barely in this movie. I would suggest reading a book about Lincoln instead, it would probably be more exciting, entertaining and informative. So if you can never get enough Steven Spielberg (even the boring shit), you love Lincoln, 2 and half hours of someone reading from a history book, Sally Fields acting crazy, and no emotion then this movie is for you. I wonder if “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” is better than this.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. Real Lincoln and Fake Lincoln.

Lincoln-portrait

lincoln

B. Watching this movie was like lying face down on a history book while on a muscle relaxer. I also love documentaries and the history channel so I don’t want to hear anyone’s shit about I just don’t get it. Fuck You, you can still make dialogue entertaining and interesting.

C. Sally’s face the whole movie.

Sally-Field-in-Lincoln-2012-Movie-Image

Sally’s best role lately.

D. My face the whole movie.

tommy-lee-jones-lincoln

E. I learned that Lincoln was tall and was also a Republican. I am kidding I knew that shit.

F. I wish this music video would have happened at the end of the movie.

G. Umm Dane DeHaan and Lukas Haas were both in the beginning of this movie and I love them both, I thought oh shit awesome they are in this. Then you never saw them again. 2 minutes and gone!

MC  LINCOLN

H. I love top hats.

I. The real Lincoln and his real son Tad.

tumblr_mehzwv8Z5S1qzq8wko1_500

J. Who the fuck invited James Spader? I think the casting call for this film read like this “If you are in Hollywood and want a job in the movie Lincoln show up”. Everyone did.

lincolnspader_620_112012

K. Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Bob Lincoln. A role that didn’t really matter. He is too talented for this part.

joseph-gordon-levitt-in-lincoln_612x408

L. The African-American point of view is also back seated in this film. Which I didn’t like, but I guess the film is called Lincoln so that is literally what you get. His ass talking a lot.

M. Who bought this poster?

lincoln-poster_510x755

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s