“Texas Chainsaw 3D” (No massacre) or “Leatherface- Hero? Innocent? Pretty Girl?”-my fuckin review

Here is my review for “Texas Chainsaw 3D” (No massacre). Okay so I love the original “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre” because that shit is scary and fucked up but the rest of the sequels were out there and shitty, but still entertaining on a basic level. This movie starts off like all the other films do not exist. It literally shows you the scene from the original one and then adds some new scenes at the end of it to continue the story. So they are pretending that this is the first part 2 ever made. Now there is a new ending to the original where some rednecks burn down the Leatherface family home, and the rednecks steal a baby girl who was left in the house alive somehow, and Leatherface gets away. Cut to 2012, the baby girl is now a grown ass woman named Heather (Alexandra Daddario) living in some big city somewhere. She finds out her real grandma is a Sawyer (Leatherface family) and that she just inherited Granny’s house in Texas. So she grabs her boyfriend and 2 other friends and heads to Texas to go claim her shit. Along the way they pick up a hitchhiker (HAHA a fuckin hitchhiker in 2012) and trusts him! Then they get to the new crib and all hell breaks loose when they find out Leatherface lives in the basement of granny’s crib. He saws people in half (which was cute), chases the girls and flips their van over. Then ends up at a carnival for a minute to get cotton candy. Later Leatherface and his cousin Heather join forces dynamic duo style and live together in happiness. I’m serious. HAHA. In the end the film makes Leatherface out to be some sort of weird mentally challenged victim and you are supposed to think he is innocent in some way or a hero. UMMMMM that mother fucker is eating bitches. If my cousin was eating bitches and wearing their faces I am not hugging his ass, I am shooting his ass. Shit, my cousin quit school once and I was like don’t talk to me again bitch until you go back.  Also hey bitch Leatherface killed your friends! What about your friends bitch? I guess this movie really is about family values. No matter what she loved her family, she loved Leatherface. Saw is family. I guess I thought I was going to hate this movie so much more than I did. Don’t get me wrong it’s a fuckin mess. The dialogue is horrible, except for one line “I told you it was fucked up”, that line was gold. The plot makes no sense, but Leatherface as hero made me laugh so much I almost pissed my pants. So if you are looking for a feel good movie and a laugh at a bad joke, love Leatherface, support family values, love the chainsaw, love comedies, and want to see someone get sawed in half then this movie is for you. I will not buy this movie on Blu Ray and it was not for me.

The Trailer:

The Facts:

A. They have made 7 of Chainsaw movies…… The Texas Chain Saw MassacreThe Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre IIITexas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next GenerationThe Texas Chainsaw MassacreThe Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, and Texas Chainsaw 3D. The first and 3rd are the best.

B. I hope the cousin Heather becomes Heatherface, and is the new Leatherface in the next one. Sexy Leatherface, you know it’s coming bitch. It would look something like this.

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C. Leatherface wears humans faces to look pretty, he eats people, kills people, wears their skins as dresses and probably jerks off on corpses too. THAT MOTHER FUCKER AIN’T NO HERO. HE IS ALSO NOT INNOCENT.

D. If you support family values you will love this movie.

E. You know maybe I am wrong. Maybe he is just misunderstood. Maybe he just needs a friend. Maybe he is just different. We should just embrace his bravery for being himself and encourage him to eat whoever he wants too.

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F. I wish this song would have played in the credits with Leatherface and his cousin walking off in the sunset.

G. Scott Eastwood is in this. He is Clint’s son.

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H. Leatherface’s cousin. Alexandra Daddario.

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I. I wish Leatherface and his cousin would have hugged at the end of the movie.

J. Leatherface’s theme song. Seriously this makes sense.

K. The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre was made in 1974. If Leatherface was about 25 years old in 1974, then his ass would be about 63 years old today and he would not be running around like he used to be for sure, but in this movie he is flipping fuckin cars over.

L. Check out my pal Addison’s facebook he makes LEATHERFACE masks. Here is the link and a picture of one! You can contact him if you want to buy one.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Addison-Morarre-Masks/275649985812330

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M. Here is how I feel after that movie.

N. Bill Moseley plays Drayton Sawyer for 10 seconds. Originally played by Jim Siedow.

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O. He looks like an ORC from the Hobbit movies.

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2 thoughts on ““Texas Chainsaw 3D” (No massacre) or “Leatherface- Hero? Innocent? Pretty Girl?”-my fuckin review

  1. Yeah I’m totally furious that the bitch Heather finally decided to stand by her f*cking relative and join hands with the mentally disordered mother fucker serial killer, despite the fact that he just killed their friends few minutes ago. She must have not known that her family had killed many people before so they had to pay for that. I somehow sense that they will make a serial duo killers from now on. :))

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